stephfour blog

still working

2008-10-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy week. I have been super busy at the office so I haven't gotten much time in at the studio. I've finished another painting and started on one last one. I still need to leave time to varnish and clean up before next weekend.

more painting updates

2008-10-20T15:45:00.001-07:00

I have been mostly absorbed with painting and getting ready for open studios. Since it's only a few weeks away, I'm happy to say that I have 4 pieces finished, one halfway there, and another still in the starting blocks. I'm feeling good about having some smaller (and cheaper) work to show. I'm still enjoying my San Francisco Close Up series. To see the work I did for last Spring, you'll have to go to my website. Here are some sneak peeks that I will post to the website next weekend or so. First up is the completed Askew painting. 127 lightbulbs in that A, I'll have you know. Next to it is the just started, yet almost done A Grey day, still missing some lightbulb detailing.

Under that are two smaller clock detail paintings. First is Almost Eleven and next is Half Past Six. The two clocks are my first completed acrylic paintings.

Work in Progress

2008-09-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

This is just an update of some work in progress. I've got to finish one for the Artspan Gallery as part of this year's Fall Open Studios. The last time I was able to show here I sold the painting. That one was also a last minute paint and hang piece and I don't even have a photo of it. This year I am doing some smaller pieces based on my San Francisco Close Up series. The first one is an abstract Sutro tower, which may be just about done. It's interesting how looking at the painting through a photograph helps to see what isn't quite done or when it's finished.

The second one is an A from the Ghiradelli sign. This particular one is called Askew. Not only is the perspective a little askew (I even got a little dizzy taking my reference photos from this odd angle) but the frame I used to wrap the paper is also not square. I don't know if anyone will notice, but I'll be sure to tell whoever buys it, since it can't be framed in a normal squared frame. I still need to do a lot of work on the Askew painting. I'm definitely putting off the painting of the light bulbs. I liked the idea of them, but the actual painting of 50+ bulbs is less exciting.

Both of these paintings are done in a wrap-around style. The painting extends around the edges. I saw a painting in the CCSF gallery done this way and I was intrigued. Doing these painting was also fun, so if it's well received, you can be sure to see a lot more of these. Both are still in regular watercolor and will be spray varnished so that no additional glass is needed. I intend to do some smaller acrylic paintings with a watercolor technique. I've already prepped the wood panels, so all that's left is the painting.

100 little indians in a row

2008-09-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

On a friend's recommendation, I made a point of driving down the Great Highway to Ocean Beach on my last AWS Friday. It was a little foggy on the coast, but it didn't take away from the view that day. San Francisco-born artist, Thom Ross, had erected his beautifully painted plywood cutouts along the beach in the same place as a his inspiration, a black and white photo of Buffalo Bill Cody and his Wild West Show, was taken back in 1902.

I took a few photos with my iPhone but the photos don't properly capture the scale and the fabulous detail work on all 100 life-sized pieces. I loved the flags, ribbons and feathers that were integrated into the painting as they flapped in the ocean breeze. It was a very enjoyable afternoon distraction. Below is my favorite indian. I was hoping someone would go up and pose while I was here, but alas no takers.

stretching paper

2008-09-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

I am branching out, so to speak, and trying something new. I was at a art material expo and was chatting with an artist who had these wonderful watercolor paintings of crystal and glass. She stretches her paintings over wooden stretcher bars and I was inspired to do the same. I boughts some big beefy bars so that there would be some substance to it and perhaps it would look so good I wouldn't have to frame it.

First I started with a big sheet of watercolor paper. I wet it in the tub and after the first couple of times I managed to stop spraying myself. I let it hang a bit so that I wouldn't slop too much on my way to the kitchen table.

I cut the paper about 3 inches over the frame and trimmed it again once I set the stretcher bars over the paper. I tried a bunch of different corner techniques and settled on one that gave me a neat square edge. I was a little worried about the bubbles, but after I stapled the frame using a standard canvas stretching pattern and set it to dry. They came out looking pretty good. I'll be doing some small and some very large paintings on it. I took a varnishing class as well so there are bound to be at least one or two good varnishing stories after I finish up the paintings.

Omnivore 100 meme

2008-08-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

I came across this meme on the blog Very Good Taste. While I enjoy the occasional meme i don't tend to do that many myself. But I like to think that I'm a bit of a foodie, so I thought I'd give it a shot. If you want to try this meme yourself, here are the instructions:

Here's what you need to do:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.

2) Bold all the items you've eaten. (The bolding isn't showing up that well with my template. So I used a different color for the foods I have never tried).

3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.

4) Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore's Hundred:

1. Venison

2. Nettle tea

3. Huevos rancheros

4. Steak Tartare

5. Crocodile

6. Black Pudding

7. Cheese Fondue

8. Carp

9. Borscht

10. Baba ghanoush

11, Calamari

12, Pho

13, PB&J samdwich

14. Aloo gobi

15. Hot dog from street cart

16. Epoisses

17. Black truffle

18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes

19. Steamed pork buns

20. Pistachio ice cream

21. Heirloom tomatoes

22. Fresh wild berries

23. Foie gras

24. Rice and benas

25. Brawn, or head cheese

26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper

27. Dulce de leche

28. Oysters

29. Baklava

30. Bagna cauda

31. Wasabi peas

32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl

33. Salted lassi

34. Sauerkraut

35. Root beer float

36. Cognac with a fat cigar

37. Clotted cream tea

38. Vodka jelly/Jell-o

39. Gumbo

40. Oxtail

41. Curried goat

42. Whole insects

43. Phaal

44. Goat's milk

45. Malted whisky from a bottle worth $120 or more (I think I’ve had this on a business trip in Boston, but I’d be happy to do this again just to be sure.

46. Fugu

47. Chicken tikka masala

48. Eel

49. Krispy Kreme orignal glazed doughnut

50. Sea urchin

51. Prickly pear

52. Umeboshi

53. Abalone

54. Paneer

55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal

56. Spaetzle

57. Dirty gin martini

58. Beer above 8% ABV

59. Poutine

60. Carob chips

61. S'mores

62. Sweetbreads

63. Kaolin

64. Currywurst

65. Durian

66. Frogs' legs

67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake

68. Haggis

69. Fried plantain

70. Chitterlings, or andouillette

71. Gazpacho

72. Caviar and blini

73. Louche absinthe

74. Gjetost, or brunost

75. Roadkill (I may have had this if eating a deer hit by a car counts)

76. Baijiu

77. Hostess Fruit Pie

78. Snail

79. Lapsang souchong

80. Bellini

81. Tom yum

82. Eggs Benedict

83. Pocky

84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant

85. Kobe beef

86. Hare

87. Goulash

88. Flowers

89. Horse

90. Criollo chocolate

91. Spam

92. Soft shell crab

93. Rose harissa

94. Catfish

95. Mole poblano

96. Bagel and lox

97. Lobster thermidor

98. Polenta

99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee

100. Snake

I was a little surprised how many of these things I’ve tried. Honestly there are some I wouldn’t eat again, but I’m glad that I tried it the one time. I thought I would have a few things crossed off, but decided that if I could eat all but 24 items, perhaps I should leave my options open. A few things I haven’t tried are there merely because the opportunity or finances didn’t allow it yet.

Wacky Twinkie Clay Sculptures

2008-07-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

A while back I talked about this idea I had to actually sculpt stuff using twinkies. Well I hemmed, I hawed, I bought some twinkies. Then I bought more. I was cleaning and found the bag of twinkies and decided that something had to be done. So I called Becky and told her that I had a wacky idea and that she was just the accomplice for me. Yep this Sunday was the day.

So I pulled out 8 twinkies for each of us and we started cutting them, separating the yellow cake from the toasted brown bottoms.

Then you mush them up. For a while until they start looking like modeling clay. Modeling clay made from twinkies. At no time did I want a twinkie. I knew they were kinda old and the last time I ate them they were incredibly sweet to my palate. But after they start looking like a mushy ball of yellow and brown clay, you really get over any thoughts of eating it. Although I'm quite sure that it still tastes a bit like twinkies. We let it sit for a bit since they were quite a bit soft. After about 20 minutes it started looking good.

I decided to make a monkey since I was using the anniversary flavored banana creme twinkies. Becky began working on her mermaid. It was a little tricky getting the clay to stick to itself, but it came out looking pretty good. Now we just have to wait for the clay to dry.

Our Yosemite Stay

2008-06-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

We stayed at Yosemite Housekeeping Camp during our 4 days here. It was a cool setup and perfect for camping lite. We had two sites for the 10 of us. Each site was a "tent" of 3 concrete walls a covered seating area with a round picnic table. The tent had one full size bed and one set of bunk beds. To get all of us in there, we also got a cot for each side. It was a snug fit but we managed. We had a couple of bear boxes to keep our food and coolers that served as refrigerators for the trip. We also had two fire rings with a grate on top for grilling or heating up pots. We had electrical outlets on the cooking table and in the tent itself. I had borrowed a bunch of camping stuff for cooking and brought a propane camping stove and a few other electrical things that I knew we could plug in if we needed as well as a couple of power strips to charge cell phones and DVD players. I'm pleased to say that we were surprising good about keeping the technology to a minimum.

During our stay we relaxed, Dad read his books and battled daily with his nemeses, the common grey squirrels that were pretty much running the park. Cute and Fuzzy? I think not, these little guys would boldly enter your food boxes to steal food and would walk on hot coals, literally to grab food scraps tossed there. One morning we left Dad with the kids and went out in search of Mirror Lake. I can't say it's a must see since it is really much more of a swamp than a lake with all of the overgrowth, plus we were all assaulted by the mosquitoes there. A nice hike up to Vernal Falls was taken one morning. Hana and Aubrey became Junior Rangers and were sworn in before we left. Plus there was bike riding and game playing and S'more making and fire building and fishing. Who will forget the time that Bill got stopped by a Ranger for fishing without a license? Luckily he got off with a warning since they weren't using real lures but a big orange plastic fish to play fishing. Bill and HJ hiked up to Glacier Point while Anne and I took the kids and Dad up the easy way - with the cars! But either way, the views were worth the trip.

On our way out, we drove down to the southern gate to check out the giant sequoias at the Mariposa Grove. The curvy road took down poor Kaitie who held on as long as she could. We split ways at that point with Bill and his family going south to Disneyland and So Cal and Jerome and his family along with me and Dad driving north back to the Bay Area.

On the Road to Yosemite

2008-06-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

It was an especially quiet night at the Lighthouse and I slept really well considering I was in the girls room. I woke up and Annie was already awake and starting on the bacon. I found the coffee and started that brewing. At one point Anne was standing by the back door with a big smile on her face. I asked her what was up and she said that she was experiencing the most amazing thing. Of course I wandered over and found myself with the most wonderfully fresh and clean smell of ocean. The seabreeze was blowing in just perfectly. I smile and said, yeah, that's nice. Anne shook her head and said, "no you aren't getting the full experience, wait a second and you'll see!" Just then, the smell of bacon cooking in the oven washed over me. Oh My God! It was the perfect combination. Even though I was very pre-coffee and it was about 6:30 in the morning, I went and grabbed my camera to capture this moment.

So before breakfast of pancakes, bacon and coffee was ready, I went out with my cup of coffee to gather some photos. While I have every intention of coming back here, I wanted to try to capture some of this morning for painting reference photos and my memory at large. It was super quiet and there were only a few workers wandering around. It wasn't until I came back into the house that I realized I was wandering around in my pajamas!

After breakfast, we stripped down the beds, got dressed and packed up and checked out by 10am. Our earliest start time to date. we wanted to be sure to have as much time as possible for our trip to Yosemite given the limitations of the Rossi Rules of the Road combined with traveling with 3 cars.

After a quick grocery store stop to pick up a few overlooked items, we headed East. The plan was to stop for fresh fruits and veggies at roadside stops. The day was beautiful and the driving was fun. We stopped a couple of times, but never found any veggies we liked. Ah well! There were a few scenic vistas and we all stopped to enjoy them. We did a little musical cars and I ended up driving halfway with HJ and then switched at a gas stop and picked up Anne who ended up driving the last part of the way into the Park.

We got into camp around 5-6 pm, picked up our bed stuff a few chairs and got settled in. HJ cooked another big dinner and we made due with a little cook surface area that looked like with would collapse at any moment. It didn't matter because we were finally at Yosemite!

Overnight at a lighthouse

2008-06-02T22:29:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, I went to Pigeon Point Lighthouse to see them light the Fresnel light for their 135 anniversary. While we were there, we wandered through the hostel and I thought it would be cool to stay here some time. We had some open time between San Francisco and Yosemite. I told HJ that there really wasn't much between here and there. Then I remembered the Lighthouse. It's not in between, but also not that far away either.

Sunday morning we loaded up the cars with kids, food, luggage and headed south. Since we were following the Rossi Rules of the Road (RRR) I knew it might take a little longer to get there. 1. Never drive faster than the speed limit, 2. Stop for any interesting vista or stop along the way, 3. I can't remember and 4. Drink an icy cold beer at the end of the day. We headed south on 280 from my house on Potrero Hill, over to the scenic Route 1 along the coast. We didn't get too far before we made the first stop at a cherry stand in Pacifica. I had foolishly taken the lead since I knew where I was going. However being a novice at the RRR I wasn't at all surprised to find my caravan abandoning me just 5 minutes into the trip. Luckily I was able to pull around and join the group at the end. This was more appropriate and lead to less confusion. The rest of the trip was relaxing and we made it to the lighthouse and hostel a little before the 3:30pm check-in time.

We descended upon the beach and the girls and Annie wandered through the tide pools looking for sea creatures. Hermit crabs and sea anemones were found and much sand was able to creep into all of our shoes. A little geocaching was done on the way back up to the hostel. Cool items were swapped. We got checked in by our host, Michael who was very cool. We signed up for hot tub times and went back to unload the cars and get some dinner started. Now I should mention that there is no alcohol allowed on hostel property. So we had to modify our traditional end of the road cold beer for "tea" which was discreetly consumed in coffee mugs. HJ made a huge feast of salad and pasta and sausage. Everyone ate at one big communal table, so it was good that we had the entire Whale building to ourselves. After dinner we settled down and the girls played games. We took our hot tub time and were thrilled to see that it was perched on the far edge of the land. So there was nothing between us and the Pacific Ocean but a thin wire fence and a sheer cliff dotted with ice plants in bloom. We watched the sun set and decided that the grown-ups wanted some star-gazing time after the kids were settled in bed.

What to do in San Francisco with kids

2008-05-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

So the week was full of activities. Some of it was driven by key features in the Good Night San Francisco book I bought for Hana and Jeri. We went to see the Sea Lions and the beach and Cliff House to see if there were more sea lions there. We went up to Clement St (the real Chinatown in SF as far as I'm concerned) and picked up some pork buns and noodles at Wing Lee Bakery and BBQ. Then with cheap yummy bits to eat, we went out to visit the Rossi Playground. First time we were here, we came with baked pork bun, but the playground was lame. This time is was all renovated and FUN!. Kids approved of the playground with their name on it. We checked out the Windmill and drove around Stow Lake. We hit the Golden Gate Park Playground again with Amanda. She missed the old swings, but she had a grand time with her cousins sliding down the stone slide and checking out new equipment.

The Exploratorium was a hit, although HJ and I ducked out to get a little shopping done. Warm clothes for the girls and sweat pants for Bill. We swooped back and met the gang finishing up at the Exploratorium. Seems the best time to go is later in the afternoon when the class trips are heading out. Last time we came here it was late and everyone seemed sad to be kicked out at 5pm.

So Wednesday night I picked up Dad. I'm really becoming a big fan of the Cell Phone Park and Call lot at SFO. It's quite hidden, but right next to the Long Term Parking area. You can get back to the terminals in a minute or two so you can wait until they have their bags and swoop down and scoop 'em up. Me I waited until Dad's plane landed, added 10 minutes to get to the gate and another 10 to get off the plane before I head for the parking lot. After picking up 4 groups in less than a week, my timing was spot on.

The next day, we bought day passes and rode on the cable cars to Market St, then down to the Wharf on the old style F Street railway. Today's goal was to catch Musee Mechanique and go to the Aquarium of the Bay. Then work our way back to the hotel a short rest and then onto the 38 Geary to go to a nice place for an Italian dinner. On the way back, we found great stuff at the big Good Will store on Fillmore. I made a huge mistake and handed Natalie a wireless phone. I had assumed that there would be toys for me to do a bait and switch. I just couldn't yank her new favorite toy out of her hand. Michelle called me a light-weight. It's true. I found a couple of books, one with horses you can pet which was a life-saver for me. Whew! Friday we split up and had a low key day. Dad and I caught up with Michelle, Steve and the girls to do a geocache. On the way out, we did one of dad's caches. He spotted a box of junk on the side of the road and we ended up with a working heater, an electric frying pan and a green thermos. Great stuff to take camping. Friday night was a big get together at the new Moonstar in Daly City. Les and Ceal, Cathryn, Crystal and Esther joined the gang for dinner. I had fun messing with the cotton candy. Friday's done time to get packing and ready for the weekend!

Memorial Day in San Francisco

2008-05-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Now that everyone is here, we started hitting the sights family-style in San Francisco. First thing we did was head out across the Bay to Tilden Park. I was sad to see the Carousel was closed, but the steam trains were running. Someone had commented on Yelp that a day at Tilden, riding the trains, hitting the petting zoo, and noshing on cotton candy and riding the carousel was like a spa day for a 5 year old. With that sort of review, I knew this would be a hit. It was a chilly day and even colder up in the hills. The trains were fun. We even managed to find a geocache there. We had a chilly picnic here and then wandered back to the city. Our return trip was perfectly timed. At 3:15, we were able to not only miss all the traffic backed up in the toll plaza, but avoid the toll by taking our caravan of 2 full cars through the carpool lane. There was some nervousness about it being a holiday, but the police sitting the the side gave us uninterrupted passage. Sweeet! At dinner a little later at Goat Hill Pizza, I asked Bill what he thought about the cool carpool lane move I made. He gave me a huge smile and said, that it totally made his day! We are a thrifty family so something for nothing is always good. Goat Hill Pizza delivered for us again. We had the same spot in the front, so the girls got to watch the pizza being made after they ate their fill. Dinner *and* a show. We went over the McKinley park and played there for a while. I told them down the curvy Vermont street and then back to the hotel to relax and crash.

Stage 2 of the fun arrives

2008-05-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

So it's Sunday and I got the Pittsburgh, PA contingency from the airport to the hotel okay. After a full day of running around, plus a late night pick-up and hauling of luggage, I'm starting to get tired. Any we are only just beginning! Ah well. So we ended up driving the gang down to Los Gatos to visit with some old college friends of Michelle's. I typically don't see Scott and Shelly unless Michelle is visiting, so I was surprised at how big their kids were. It's really pretty down there. Of course it's a schlep, but Shelly introduced us to a great candy shoppe, which was like candy nirvana. The kids loved it and I thought it was just amazing to see so many different kinds of candy. We drove home and got the BBQ started at my house. HJ and I with help from the others made a yummy sausage, grilled peppers and onions, salad and steak (I think there was steak?) dinner. Kids hung out with their cousins and didn't trash my living room, which really wasn't clean enough for company. We went downstairs to see Gomer the cat. Hana was brave and petted him while Amanda showed that she was an old hand with cats. Even Natalie (who I swooped up and took with us) was ticked to see the kitty cat. Luckily she was gentle and no one (cat, 13 month old or aunt) were harmed during this visit.

Stage 1 has landed

2008-05-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I picked up the S'pore Rossis from the airport. They were tired yet cheerful. I got a big hug from Hana and a shy smile from Jerika. I told Jeri that it was okay to be shy. She was supposed to be very shy now, a little less on Saturday - maybe we might hold hands crossing the street, but by the end of the holiday she and I would be fast friends, with hugs and eveything. This made her smile and I warned her not to be less shy yet.

I got a text message around 6:30am. (Ugh! Don't they know I'm on vacation too? I have a feeling these time zones are going to be an issue for me.) Seems the girls were up. Hana woke at 3am and she and Bill wandered around the hotel until HJ and Jeri woke up. I sent them off for coffee and directions to see the sea lions, which are always hanging out for free at Pier 39. I did tell them to dress warmly, but they didn't and were too cold to hang by the Pier. They did wander over to the farmer's market for a breakfast of fresh fruits and all were happy. We ended up driving up to Vacaville to do some outlet shopping (HJ's special request) and then to Farfield to go to Jelly Belly factory. On the way back we picked up more coffee for Bill and took the girls to the new playground at Golden G ate Park. There is a great carousel here and we got them in on the last ride at 4:30. It was redone since I was here last with Amanda and the girls were thrilled to be able to come back with their cousin the next day. Off for dinner and a beer at San Wang. This was HJ's introduction to American-sized chinese food. Too much was ordered but it was good and we left there stuffed and happy. We had the fried beef, a spicy seafood soup and the girls had tasty dark noodles (maybe the noodles with plum sauce). Off to go pick up stage 2 arriving from Pittsburgh PA at the airport.

Rossi-palooza begins

2008-05-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of a 2.5 week 'reunion' with my family. It all started with Bill, or perhaps it is more accurate to say his wife, HyunJoo (HJ) wanted to spend a holiday in Northern California with their kids. Luckily I am already here and was happy to have them come out. Since Bill and his family live in Singapore, we don't see them that much. Once their dates were locked, the rest of the kids decided that it would be great if everyone could get together. I will admit now, gentle readers, that I am excited and yet a little terrified to have the other 13 members of my immediate family descend upon me. I think we got along okay as kids, but now that the four of us are grown, and most with kids of their own, I 'm not sure what to expect. There are 6 girls or niecelings as I call them in the family. They range from 1 to 10 years of age. I think that they are all beautiful, sweet and clever. They have all developed their own personalities and from my vantage they are all quite different. I love when they get together as they seem to love their cousins to death and every parting is tearful, as if we are ripping a child from her own twin. Dad (aka Grand pop) is coming out too. I hope we don't kill him. But this is the reunion we weren't able to get together a few years ago when we went to Italy. So I'm off to go pick up Bill, HJ and the girls at the airport after their very long trip.

I'm back

2008-05-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize that I was going to be "away" so long. But I finished painting 3 new paintings and got cleaned up and organized for Spring Open Studios. So today I've been thinking about all the things I've been wanting to do (or needing to do as the case may be) and realized that a blog update was in order. Gomer is getting to be a regular fixture in the household. If the basement door is open, he will walk up the stairs and come into the house to pester us about food or to see what we are doing. He is a little skittish still, but I expect that will taper off eventually. An interesting development is that Gomer had a girl cat over last night. I was hearing another cat when I went to bed early last night. I meant to go down and say Hi after I closed up after open studios, but didn't. I heard another cat and assumed that they were outside and trying to get in. Given his overall chatty nature, I figured that every cat in the neighborhood knew that he was in the house. I just didn't realize that they would be sneaking in. Well around 11ish there was a ruckus, so Nadine went down to break up the fight and send the other kitty home. We don't know how she got in, but now we are going to have to keep an eye on our boy!

I've also been catching up on my blogs. One of them was talking about how beautiful and fit people are made to feel badly about their size or fitness. While there are tons of reasons to get in shape and stay healthy, what that really means is relative. How do you draw the line between a good habit and an unhealthy obsession? What do we need to do to ensure that we appreciate our strong and healthy bodies? In any case I really enjoyed this parody video. I think you will too.

I'm also starting to think about things to do when my family (the whole kit and kaboodle) show up at the end of May. I'll pull out my calendar program and start adding in arrival and departure days. Then I need to start pulling together things to do, places to visit, restaurants to eat, etc. If you've got ideas of cool things to do with kids and grown-ups in the Bay Area let me know.

Welcome Home Gomer

2008-03-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of days, Nadine has been working tirelessly in the basement trying to clean out the seemingly endless piles of mouse poop she's found down there. They've gotten into the stuffing in her upholstery projects and she's pretty pissed off. So last night she came up and asked how I felt about getting a mouser to deal with this latest issue. While it's not a serious home security issue, mice or rats in the basement are pretty high up there. She's had cats before and while there have been musings over getting a cat, she seemed pretty serious. So as anyone who knows me, I'm pretty easy going about most things, but I was actually excited about the possibility of getting a real-life kitty cat. So, I told her that I was still okay with getting a cat. I went back to my paperwork and she descended into the basement for another round of vacuuming and checking for nests.

So today I was off and decided that I needed to get another couple of boards for my paintings and knew that SCRAP often had large pieces that I could cut down to meet my needs. Nadine asked to tag along to peruse for fabrics. On the way back, I noticed that she passed our turn on Potrero. When she passed the 22nd street turn, I starting thinking. Of course it didn't take long for me to catch on as we turned down Florida street and pulled into SFSPCA. Unlike the average pound or ASFCA location, this one had gotten a grant a while back from a major corporation and the cats and dogs are in seriously cool digs. Kitty condos and TVs are in most private rooms. You can walk around and read little summaries about the animal and see if they might have the right personality for you. So we cruised around and spotted this cat, Cooper, that caught Nadine's eye. We found a volunteer to introduce us and we spent a few minutes with him. He was a chatty boy and came right over to check us out. First he let Nadine pet him and scratch behind his ears. Next he cam over to me and hopped right into my lap! We didn't want to make a hasty decision, plus Nadine was hoping to get a couple of cats. So we went and looked at the bonded pairs. But Cooper had already stolen Nadine (and my) heart. We left to go and check on a friend at the house and talked about the cats we met. Before you knew it we were back to go pick out a cat. We met with Cooper again and decided that he was our guy. That second cat, well maybe later. Turns out Cooper had some medical issues and that it was decided to let him settle in with us (and us with him). If we still want another cat, we can pick them out later.

So I bet you are wondering what's up with Gomer? Well it turns out that our little kitty friend had been in the adoption center for a while. I week before, they decided to put a little kitty curb appeal to work and changed his name from the more humble Gomer to a sexier, tall-dark-and hansome Cooper. While Cooper is a really cute name, we decided that if he was Gomer for 5 years already we'd call him Gomer too. Welcome Home Gomer Sgro! Isn't he just a cutie?

Manamana

2008-03-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

Just a mere 2 minutes and 28 seconds, this video embodies who I am and, more importantly, why I am the way I am. Not only was this a normal part of my childhood, it remains deeply embedded in my brain. Occasionally when I am alone in the car or elevator, this very song will pop into my head. And yes, I will sing both parts.

But for those of you who were wondering if this was a muppet phenomena, the answer is no. The same way that the Barber of Seville was not original done by Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. The song was on the pop charts back in 1968-69. And it's original use was as a movie soundtrack, Svezia, inferno e paradiso- those wacky Italians!

Happy Pi Day!

2008-03-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Pi day! I don't usually remember the special days, but with Pi day, 3.14 and the Ides of March, 3.15 right next to each other this one stuck long enough to come up some celebration ideas. So of course with a day celebrating the area of a circle, it only seems right to eat round pie-like things. So we are making pizza pie for dinner and maybe having a pie or tart for dessert.

To learn more about Pi, you can check out this link for the Exploratorium's Pi day celebration.

http://www.savagechickens.com/blog/2008/03/pi.html

Trying something new

2008-03-09T23:36:00.000-07:00

So on a recommendation of a friend, I've been trying out something new. I've been painting with watercolor paints and other mediums that are similar for so long, I wasn't sure if I could change and learn how to use acrylics. I bought some paints and had been dabbling for a bit. Since I hadn't made much progress, I signed up for a workshop. So we've been messing around and now we are working on a painting of our choice. So here's a picture of the underpainting that I am working on.

So this is first part of the painting. On Wednesday we will do a technique called glazing that will put transparent pigment over the grey scale of the undercoating. The color should make it pop. I'm kinda exciting by the black and white part right now. I can't wait to see how it will look after I add the color. I'll post an up-date with the color version later this week.

Twinkie Goodness

2008-02-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

A while back, Cathryn and I met up with an old friend of her. They were having some sort of Girl Scout alumni retreat. The focus was on crafts and relaxation and as we approached the dining hall, we could see two women in massage chairs, working hard at the relaxing part. Since it was still early we took a tour around to see what projects people were working on. One particular activity in the corner caught my eye.

It involved twinkies. Specifically, using twinkies as a modeling clay and sculpting with it. I was horrified and fascinated. I took one of the the instruction sheets, because I will do this. I will sculpt something using only twinkies as the "clay".

Here are the instructions. If you were the person who came up with this idea, please contact me so I can give you proper credit for this.

Twinkies Project

Goal: To sculpt "anything" from 4 packages of TWINKIES

Things you'll need
4 packages of Twinkies - that's 8 cakes total
1 knife
plastic or latex gloves

Step 1: Open 4 pkgs of Twinkies.
Step 2: With a knife, slice off and save the base of each Twinkie.
Note the base is a different color and will provide a contrasting color for whatever you choose to sculpt.
Step 3: Mash all the base pieces together with your hands (this is a great time to put on those gloves) and include as much of the white cream filling that may be stuck to the bases. We will be using every part of the twinkie for this project. Continue kneeding until you have achieved a uniform color and consistency. Set aside in a ball. The stickiness will go away eventually and you will have what resembles "play dough".
Step 4: Do the same with the rest of the bars. This may take a while...persevere.
Step 5: Think of something to SCULPT! Sleeping animal...Christmas tree ornament...pretty much whatever!

Once you've finished sculpting, place on a firm surface to dry. Your finished product will harden and keep FOREVER! It will never rot or mold, but it will always have a bit of that "Twinkie" smell.

If you complete this project one rainy day, please send me a picture so I can post it here.

A Cautionary Tale

2008-02-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

A week ago, Nadine and I had a scare when two people broke down our front door at about 12:30 am early Sunday morning on Feb 3rd. We were both home when this happened so it was terrifying. To make a long story short (if you want the longer, scarier story email me) we are both okay and actually were able to recover some, not all of the stuff that was stolen.

We've been doing what we can to try to feel safe at home again. I've been doing some reading and home invasions are a different sort of fright you might have if you came home and someone had broken in, took a bunch of stuff and left. The police were great and reassured us that we did everything right. It also seems that this was a random act and not that we were cased and chosen. I realize that when something like this happens it makes other people feel better if perhaps we had set ourselves up to be victimized. Our front door, although fairly solid, looked like an easier target than the others down the street. Once ours is replaced, it will look as tough if not tougher than our neighbors - a solid reinforced steel door with an additional metal security door/gate.

I'm angry that our neighbors didn't do anything. It took them 3 house-shaking tries to break the door. The 2 inch wide solid wood door split in 2 since the deadbolt held tight and the door frame was as solid as the door. The door broke into about 5 pieces as they burst through the entry way demanding money. We decided that we need to know our neighbors better. If something happened tomorrow, I know that I won't worry about meddling or interfering and I will call the police without a second thought.

I also have added a few numbers to my cell phone. Neither of us knew that if you called 911 from your cell phone, that you may end up at the state police and not the local police department. It's just the luck of the cell phone towers and proximity to the highway apparently. Nadine was on hold for over 2 minutes as she hid in the backyard trying to call for help. Luckily I was able to take advantage of the situation and get out. Once I saw them leave in a waiting SUV, I ran back and called from the house landline. I got someone on 911 immediately. You should know this and have a house phone near your bedside. We do now. Call your local police and fire department and ask them for the direct dial numbers and add them to your cell phone. In San Francisco Police emergency dispatch is 415-553-8090. If you want to report non-emergency suspicious activity, call 415-553-0123.

While I don't want to scare you, gentle readers, this is something that does happen. If you want to do what you can to make your home as safe as possible, here are some links to prevent crime from happening in the first place:

Crime Doctor
National Crime Prevention Council
Crime Prevention Tips

Is it Spring yet?

2008-01-30T16:04:00.000-08:00

I've been having a hankering for fresh herbs. Every time I pay money for an anemic bundle of wilty herbs at the supermarket I tell myself that I should already have these things in the backyard. What sort of person buys fresh herbs? Well with any luck I won't be one of those people anymore. Around Christmas time I bought a little mini-greenhouse thingie and some seeds. Once i got back from New York, I set up my little house, soaked the cute little peat pellets and sowed my seeds.

I did something similar last year when I had the desire to paint Chinese Lanterns and thought it would be cool to grow my own. That didn't turn out so well, but given my earlier success with tomatoes, I'm willing to try it again. So I've chosen to start with three things, cilantro, parsley and mint. The first two I chose because those are the ones I buy the most by the bunch to cook with and the mint I chose for summertime iced teas and to muddle into yummy mojitos.

The fact that all three are hearty plants and are supposed to grow like weeds once they get going was the clincher for me. The photo is after only two weeks of growth. The tall ones in front are the cilantro and already starting to show a curly leaf on their second set of leaves. In the middle is the mint. They don't look like much now, but I've already told them how happy I am to have them growing for me. In the back is the parsley. Every day I see a new seed sprouting.

I feel like a kid coming into the office to see how they are doing each morning. I have co-workers visit to see how they are doing. Seriously, they walk right over to check them out and then leave without saying anything to me if I'm on the phone or something.

Stop by to see how my garden is growing.

Baby it's souper cold outside

2008-01-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

Now I realize that it's a lot colder in a lot of other places, but man oh man it's cold outside. I am the first to admit that I'm a big ol' baby and have lost my ability to tolerate hot and cold. I also know that my heat miser brother in Singapore and the cold miser brother in Minnesota are snickering at me. Snicker away, because I have found a bright side to all of this. This week I'm calling my bright side, Spicy Goulash. Next week I'm thinking chicken soup. I've been watching Jamie Oliver's new show, Jamie at Home and just the word goulash made me think of my mom and comfort food. I'm not sure what the deal is serving this dish with rice. But my German mother wouldn't dream of serving this with anything but egg noodles. I was actually kind of excited by the idea of egg noodles. I even found some nice hearty whole wheat noodles that was the perfect foil to Jamie's goulash recipe.

Now I really need to find a few people to start a soup club with me. I love soup. Nothing warms the soul and all your other bits as well as a nice soup. I think the only thing better is a nice soup that someone else has made. Right? So if you are interested, intrigued and willing to make soup on command then let me know.

On a separate note, I'm going to be adding old posts from my old blog, starts and stop and Tune Talk in to this blog. I'll be using the original dates, so they will show up as archived posts. Once I'm done I'll let you all know.

Squirrel in a sweater

2008-01-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

Huh?

There are many things in life that just make you go, huh?, but this one I believe deserves a capital H. I don't know who to credit for the first spotting of this cute squirrel. It might have been randomly found on Cute Overload. After checking it out again last night, I thought to snopes it. The crazy thing is that she appears to be totally real, not photoshopped or gasp, taxidermically preserved, and her name is Sugar Bush Squirrel, squirrel of a thousand outfits. After about 20 minutes of horrified fascination, scanning every photo and watching the video montages, you just have to ask the next logical question, why? Why would you fashion thousands of squirrel-sized outfits and post them on the Internet.

Okay, I know. It's all about keeping Sugar Bush's Mama in the bling. I suppose we all need to have a purpose in life and this is her purpose. Now if you think I'm looking down on this enterprising woman and her fashionista squirrel. You are dead wrong. I checked out Sugar's My Space page (we'll be friends soon, so I feel okay calling her by her first name) and she's got some serious star friends. I mean if Jimmy Buffet and Eminem both hang with the squirrel it's got to be good, right?

cool gadgets I love and use

2008-01-15T15:53:00.000-08:00

Honestly I could probably write a blog about all the cool gadgets I love to use. But I won't because I'd like to appear to be a well-rounded individual. A while back I was catching up on my blog reading and stumbled upon a combo of tools that seemed intriguing. One is called Todoist. It's your basic to do list, but hosted online so that you can get to it, whether you are home, in the office or keeping yourself out of trouble with your mobile device in the waiting room of your dentist's office. Adam at LifeHacker took it a step further and added the plug-in Launchy to the works. Launchy launches stuff off your desktop without your having to find the icon or looking it up in your bookmarks list. It's actually pretty intuitive right from the start, so it was love at first Alt+space when I typed pho and up popped a link to the agency phone directory on our internal Intranet. For the first week, my new 'game' of choice was "stump launchy". I would type stuff to see if it wouldn't work. Then I decided that this game was a tad juvenile and started setting it up to index my music and other data files. The bad side is that I don't really need to organize myself to find things.

While I really don't need any new gadgets, I'd be curious if you are using something else that you feel is cooler or a useful addition to my gadget corral. If you already use these items and are equally enamored, maybe we can start a fan club.

Black cake

2008-01-12T14:25:00.000-08:00

I'm making black cake today. I first came upon it in a book by Laurie Colwin Home Cooking: A Writer in the Kitchen. I was thrilled to try it years ago when my roommates, 2 sisters from St Lucia, received a black cake from their mother one Christmas. It was in fact as good as I had imagined. I always wanted to try to make one myself. Laurie Colwin includes the recipe in her book, so it really was just a matter of getting the ingredients together and doing it.

So here I am. I did a web search for one ingredient, burnt sugar essence. Not something you would typically find in your local supermarket. (I did, my Safeway carries it, but yours might not). In doing so I came across this article and recipe variation. I'll be using this recipe today. But I was curious how much cake I would have gotten from several pounds of fruit and flour. Further searching found that others more driven than I, did follow Ms. Colwin's original recipe and had a lot more cake than they expected. So far, mine looks pretty good. I may have burnt out my hand mixer trying to manage all the ingredients. On the bright side, I'm pretty sure I didn't overwork the batter. I've to let it rest for a while before I can try it so, I can share my wait with you. Now you have to admit that this is a properly named cake. These babies are black!

Gratitude

2007-03-04T23:12:00.000-08:00

After watching the Oprah episode where they recap the reaction to the Secret show, I realized that one thing that has been mentioned by several of the secret teachers is getting yourself in the right space by thinking about what it is that I am grateful. I wanted to post some of this now and come back in the next day or two (no more than that) with a list of things I am grateful for in my life. I am so easily distracted by, well anything, that I never get around to putting down what is it that is good in my life. In my conversations with others, I am quick to say how lucky we are in general for the things we have.

Things I am grateful for, in no particular order:
Health - I've been so fortunate so far with my health even though I challenge it regularly.
Family - Even though I joke that I love them and how far away they are, I appreciate them and the connection they give me to my past, present and future.
Friends - My friends are people who choose to be a part of my life. In addition to the companionship they provide, they also are my local family providing me with support of all kinds.
Work- I appreciate my job on so many different levels. It provides me with challenges, satisfaction, and outlet to help others and money. It's not so overbearing that I don't have time for things I enjoy, like taking Italian classes or spending time with friends and family.
My home - I love the place where I live and while it's just sticks and stones put together in a really pretty way, it provides a safe and peaceful place for me to go every day.
Cathryn - Cathryn is an amazing person and gives me so much support with laughter and love. I'm not sure if I love the way she makes me laugh more than the fact that she laughs at my jokes, even the bad ones. I'm grateful for laughter too. Laughing makes me happy.
San Francisco - This is the best city and has so many of the things I need to be happy. I can't imagine living anywhere else.
My art - This also makes me happy. I like the idea that I am creating something and putting it out there in the world. I like thinking about it, talking about it and doing it.
The Internet - Okay this one seems a little weird, but I fall back on it all the time. Even trying to come up with this list, I went online and googled it to get ideas to kick start my own gratitude list.

Gooooooooal!

2007-02-26T08:39:00.000-08:00

I never really liked setting goals. I'm not sure why I have such an issue with them. Done properly, I've seen people achieve extraordinary things. But not me. I'm stubborn. I'm the one who will snarkily tell people on January 1 that my New Year's Resolution is to never make a New Year's Resolution.

Here are a couple of links with tips on writing goals
http://top7business.com/?Top-7-Tips-for-Writing-Great-Goals&id=1345

http://www.mygoals.com/helpGoalsettingTips.html

I'm going to start posting goals as they come to me and worry about organizing them once there are enough to warrant it. Got any tips you use when setting goals?

Steph gets a studio

2005-04-01T23:37:00.000-08:00

You know how some things come about when it's the right time? For some time I've been thinking about getting a studio or setting up a space that is dedicated to art that isn't doubling as my office or bedroom or guest room. A couple of years ago, Diana and I went to some Open Studios in San Francisco and I just fell in love with this place that was a multi-building complex filled with artists of every sort. After much hemming and hawing, I completed an application and prepared for a long wait for a studio to open up. I had bills to pay, so I was okay with waiting a while. Well, a couple of weeks ago I got a call from the manager of The Point that there was someone looking to sublet a studio. Unlike some other calls, this wasn't someone looking to share but to sublet her studio, for about 6 months, maybe more. This was in the main building, so I called and went down the next day to take a look at the studio and meet the artist. The space was perfect for me and I let her know that I was definitely interested in subletting the space. She wasn't sure at that point when she'd be ready to move out, but considering that I was painting in my bedroom, I could wait.

A few days later, she'd met three other interested people and picked me for the space. Whenever I think about it I get so excited I might burst. I like the idea of taking a studio for a test drive. As much as I like the idea, I'm not sure if it's worth a long term commitment. If it does work out, I can participate in at least one Open Studio event in October. So I'll get to move in after the Spring Open Studios the first weekend in May. Oh and if the space suits, Diana may join me in the space. Since she is looking to use the studio when I'm at work and I want to use the space when she is home, it could work out well for both of us. Which would bring the already cheap rent even cheaper. I just can't wait. Sorry I don't have any pics for you now, but I'll post some after I get settled.

Sad and complex thoughts

2005-01-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't been updating in here much. I know some of you have commented on how you miss my thoughts and observations on life. I appreciate your gentle encouragement as it was meant and know that I miss hearing for you all as well. I would love to come up with a list of reasons and excuses.

Some of it was work getting so darn crazy. I love my work, but had been faced with a ton of obstacles that kept my mind whirring with ways to do more with less and less and less.

Some of it was just being preoccupied with myself. I've been working out for some time now and just haven't been seeing any real results in the mirror or scale. So I consulted a nutritionist who has put me on the path to righteous eating. I comment often that I am being trained. In my head as much as in my body. What I am doing isn't anything magical, but it has allowed me to fairly consistently lose a pound a week since August.

But mostly I have been spending time worrying about and then missing my Mom who died last November. It's been a couple of months and I find what I miss most are the afternoon calls. My evening is too late to call home, 3 hours ahead of me. I can’t call right after work because I’ve got my gym buddies on my case if I’m late or missing. Or else I’d call Mom in the middle of her television programs, so I started calling (or getting calls) in the late afternoon when my productivity level is already fairly low. It’s a good time to chat most of the time.

I've been out in California for about 8 years now. Eight years ago around now I drove out here with my Amigo loaded up with clothes, my pet turtle, Gauguin, and Mom. Mom was a great travel companion. She liked the same music I did and could appreciate a companionable silence. She didn't drive as much as I had hoped, but it was nice to have someone to hang with for a week and then sightsee through San Francisco when we finally got to town.

She wasn't happy when I moved out here. That was for sure. But we still talked on the phone. If I didn't call her frequently enough, she would joking threaten to call the police to make sure I was still alive. While there were a lot of things we would talk about; books to read, movies to see, computer tutorials, there were still lots of things we didn't discuss. I always thought that there'd be lots of time to talk about the unspoken. But things don't always work out the way you'd like.

I’m starting to get back into the swing of things and find myself collecting thoughts and things I’d like to share with you all. So there will be more entries of frivolous thoughts and odd ideas that just have to be discussed. Oh, I’m going to turn on the comments area for only a short time after each entry is posted. Spammers have decided that spamming comment sections will make you more likely to click on their sites. Please don’t. I’ll delete them as soon as I can. If the comments are turned off and you’ve got something to say, you can send me email and I’ll add your thoughts in.

Swinging to S'pore

2004-10-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in getting at least a short entry up for the great fun that was my vacation to Singapore. I was excited to see my younger brother, Bill and his family. I wasn't so excited about spending practically an entire day in an airplane. I packed a bad full of warm weather clothes (completely inappropriate for San Francisco) and treats for the girls and off I went. I was concerned about how I would entertain myself for 19 hours. I brought books, magazines, my PDA filled with games, my iPod filled with music and some paint and paper. I felt more like an 8 year old than a 38 year old. But I wasn't going to take any chances. Nadine, my roommate drove me and my massive suitcase to SFO and off I went. I bought a little currency at the airport and meandered around the new to me, international terminal.

Boarding the plane I found my seat and was please that the plane didn't look too full. I kept one eye on the cabin door and quickly shifted over to a unoccupied center row. On Bill's recommendation I booked my flight on Singapore Airlines. I was please to receive a little booklet containing all of the dining choices for the next day (three meals) and beverages galore.

After that, my attention turned to the thick entertainment guide. Seems that the plane is equipped with personal seatback screens and on demand movies (60 choices, I counted them all), television programs, music (both mixed and full CDs) as well as Nintendo gameboy games. I had to force myself to sleep. I didn't pick up or turn on anything that I brought. I didn't want to get off the plane, but did so knowing that I'd be back to this wonderful place in just a couple of weeks.

The visit itself was fun. Bill and Hyun Joo had been sending me email asking what I wanted to do and see while I was visiting. Mostly I wanted to see them since Singapore will always be there for future visits and I hadn't seen them in about 2 years. When asked what I wanted to see and do, I replied that I wanted to see their favorite places. Granted I did read about Singapore to get an idea of what the place was like and I assumed that my brother would display his innate talents as a great travel guide. Little did I know that his wife was a kick-ass guide herself. Hyun Joo and I spent a ton of time the first week going to various neighborhoods around town. I would admit that we ate our way through Singapore, but honestly, there was too much food and not enough time.

Would I live here? I don't know about you, but everywhere I go, this question pops into my head and floats about. It's the reason why I moved out to San Francisco. I kept finding more and more reasons to say yes. But getting back to Singapore. Well living close to family would be cool. But the heat there was a bit much. And it's not like summertime back in New York. This is hot, humid, your-butt-is-sitting-on-the-equator-for-Pete's-sake! In all fairness, I'm not just picking on Singapore because it's hot. I just couldn't move to Minnesota either. I love Jerome and his family, but anyplace that gets so cold you need to plug in your car is just too cold for me. (I just realized how much my life resembles The Year Without a Santa Claus. One brother is the Heat Miser and the other one is the Cold Miser.)

But getting back to Singapore, there are lots of things that are uniquely Singapore. Some of them are simple things, like the way everyone backs into parking spots. So there you are in that scary mall parking lot with cars zooming around at top speeds and people are zipping backwards into spots. Since I back past two big pillars every day in the garage below my office, I can appreciate this performance under pressure. So after that I think it's only fair to be rewarded with a huge variety of yummy and incredibly inexpensive food at the hawkers stalls. English is spoken in Singapore, but when you are walking around, you hear so many odd additions, it makes your ears perk up. The use of Can and Lah are heard so much, I found myself starting responding with these two common colloquial words.

Spending time with my 2 nieces also introduced me to the concept of uncles and aunties. Hana's lessons in manners extended not just to immediate friends and family but to the uncle driving the taxicab and the auntie running the shop or taking our lunch order.

So I had a wonderful time, which included the tropical paradise that was our holiday within a holiday trip to Lomboc and the Qunci Villas. Many thanks for those kind visitors that allowed us to take their romantic getaway and add the joyful interruptions that only a friendly 3 year old can bring. I was lucky enough to get the best villa in the place (#8) with views of Bali for much of our stay there.

Trip highlights were spending time with Hyun Joo and getting to know her better. She is a great person and partner for Bill. Bill was busy working for chunks of my trip, so he missed out on tea parties and princess dancing. However I will be ever greatful for his introduction to the Zen of talcum powder. No way to get through this town without it.

100000 Mile-stone

2004-09-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo! The old girl rolled over to 100,000 today. I was driving to the gym this evening and noticed that the numbers were dangerously close to 999,999 miles. I started speculating how far it would take to get to the gym. If the parking garage was more than 3 tenths of a mile in and out again. After working out, I managed to remember my quest. I pulled my digital camera out of my work bag to capture the moment for posterity. This brought me back to my childhood where we'd lean over the bench seat of the family station wagon to peer over to see the numbers roll over. For a new car the big numbers were 1000, 5000, 10,000 and so on. An older car hitting 100,000 was a landmark event and we'd drive around for miles so we wouldn't miss it. I will eventually add some of those pics for your viewing pleasure. In addition to the actual odometer reading, I'll toss in one with the great view I enjoyed as I cruised down the Embarcadero waiting for it to turn from 99,999 to 100,000. Mom and Dad would be proud to see the tradition is still alive and well.

Toronto Tunes

2004-06-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

I was looking for cheap fares to Toronto. Still reeling from an actual vacation to Mexico, I am going to go and visit Toby in July once the dust settles at work. the last few times I'd been to Toronto it was cold and winter-like. We still got out and did things. I am looking forward to a place that is Summer in the summer-time. Pretty much like the time I went to visit Jerome, Anne and the kids in Minnesota one Christmas. I got that White Christmas I wanted and then some.

So back to Toronto. When West had moved there, we went to see Ron Hawkins, the former lead singer of Lowest of the Low, a rock band of local Toronto boys. Ron's got a great voice and I managed to get hooked on him even with his melancholic leanings. Well just to make my day, I went out to do a search for some background information and it appears the band is back together. Now don't be thinking I'm going to let this go to my head. I know my desire for more of their music didn't bring them back together. I know you just can't keep good music down. Now if only I can make a Ranch 1 restaurants appear here in San Francisco, like I could in New York. That would prove that I am indeed all powerful.

Even though most of their songs rock the house, this ballad Subversives, with it's catchy lyrics is still one of my favorites. Of course you can listen to more of their rowdier songs, many performed live on their audio page.

Happy Birthday Lili

2004-06-08T16:42:00.000-07:00

Today is Lili's birthday. Last October in my music blog, Tune Talk, I wrote about how a favorite CD came to mark the events of my life at the time. I think we all have a couple of those albums, that we listened to until we wore the magnetic tape off the cassette or the grooves off the vinyl (not sure how to wear out a CD).

A few weeks ago I get an email from Lili, who stumbled across my little piece of the Internet and decided to write back. I don't have any grand thoughts that this site will do more than it's intended purpose - to keep my friends and family up to date, more or less, with what's going on in my world and head. So you could imagine my surprise to get this email from someone whose work I admired. It's been fun exchanging email and such and getting to know Lili.

While I do try to keep this space to telling my stories and letting others tell their own, I am especially pleased that Lili has started performing again. I am hoping to get some guest writers either here or in Tune Talk, to share their songs or their side of the story. Oooh just imagine the depths this little online journal could achieve. Okay okay, back to the story.

I always hope to be able to inspire people with my actions. When it comes to my words and rambling stories, I often assume that you are all just placating me when you post complimentary comments. You are all just nice that way.

Other than being inspirational, things around here have been quiet. I've mostly stopped whining about my allergies. I did hear that the wind was up to 40 mph which is a little crazy. I can only hope that it's always blowing me in the direction I am walking. I haven't seen crazy crosswind like this since I worked in Mid-town Manhattan. Actually I stand corrected. Once we thought it a good idea to walk a few blocks to dinner in Minneapolis in February. We had to stand next to the building to avoid being blown into oncoming traffic. Now that is crazy!

Too Much of a Good Thing

2004-06-01T15:25:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I found myself wasting some time in the Powell St Shopping Plaza in Emeryville. Some stressed guy was debating jumping off the Bay Bridge and I was hoping to wait it out while getting a retail therapy fix. By the time I was done and with refrigerator food from Trader Joe's I attempted to leave the worst designed parking lot in the world. If you've ever been there you would agree. If not, just take my word, I'm really correct. In any case, I was heading out and encountered a group of three people deeply engaged in conversation. So deeply engaged that they didn't notice me behind them. For about 2 minutes. I wasn't in a rush, and was curious how long it would take to notice me if I didn't beep or make any noise. 2 minutes, 4 seconds. A lifetime really. In those 2 minutes and 4 seconds, I realized that it is in fact possible for intense focus to be a bad thing.

Many of us attempt to multitask on a regular basis with varying success. Chances are you are doing something else right now as you read this entry. If I focus on one thing at a time (writing distractions down on a list to get back to later) I can often accomplish more and with better results. When doing work that I dislike I will take on any task possible - a welcome distraction, but still a distraction from my primary task. But when I'm doing something I really enjoy, I get caught up in it and lose complete track of time.

If I'm working on a painting, things just happen, ideas just flow out of me and I am often more pleased with it than one I start and stop again and again. That flow is what I look forward to when I sit down to paint. Observing that same deeply engaged flow in the form of a conversation walking slowly down a parking lot is just damn annoying.

Now don't get me wrong, I love a good conversation but is it because they dragged me in on it inadvertently (for 2 minutes and 4 seconds) that makes it selfish and wrong? I mean there is no way for me to get that time back.

Okay, you all have been quiet. Engage me in conversation and tell me about times you've been focused to a fault. Was it good? Bad? Embarrassing?

Getting in touch with one's natural abilities

2004-05-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

Sleeping, napping, catching a few Zs, these are a few of my favorite things. No, I'm not a narcoleptic, I just love to sleep. Without meaning to sound excessively boastful, I'm actually good at this too. I've been noticing that people seem to lose the ability to sleep well as they get older. I often worry that this will happen to me too and feel the need to sleep as much as possible. Crazy? I think not. Most mornings I wake up regretful that I can't fall back in my pillows and wrap myself in the still warm sheets to sleep some more. Even when I get a solid 8 hours of sleep and wake well rested, I love the sensations of lying in a warm bed.

Cancun was a magical vacation in that I was able to indulge in slumber-like activities for days at a time. Here's a typical day:

Wake up around 7 am to the bustle of Mom and Karen (up for hours before) looking to get lotion on hard to reach spots. Get up knowing that after a quick bathroom visit, lotioning and suiting up, I could grab a quick breakfast and be on the beach for my morning nap in no time. I brought 3 books but read only one. I typically lasted about 35-40 minutes before being lulled to sleep by the warm sun and mild breezes coming off the water. I'd wake up for a bio break and a snack only to return for the afternoon portion of the nap. If I found myself restless in the afternoon, I'd go workout until I was tired and get a small nap in before the cocktail hour. After an evening of activity, we would return to the room to read and then sleep some more. Interestingly I had no problem sleeping after all the naps I took early in the day. That's how good I am.

I do believe that we should do what we are good at, but do you think that perhaps I've taken this all too far? Leave a comment, I'm off to take a nap.

Did anyone see where my March went?

2004-04-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry but I seem to have misplaced the month of March. It's a large month in size, even though it seems smaller, must be the shortness of it's name. In any case, it's gone and while it wasn't my responsibility to keep an eye on it, I do feel badly that it's gotten away so easily. I know I was busy, more or less, the entire 31 days. Perhaps I was too busy. Nah, there were plenty of slack days there if I recall. Hmmm...so let's see, what did I do? Hey I feel a list coming on -
Things I did in March
• Volunteered to do taxes for working poor at work
• I saw some live music at the Mystic Theatre with Ruth (Keller Williams, Deborah Pardes and Dave Wilcox)
• Still working out with Esther 4-6 times a week
• Bought myself a Tivo (I'm in serious lust with this little box)
• Spent a bunch more money on the Miata in order to get a clean smog test (sorry y'all for spewing noxious gases into the environment for so long as my cataytic converter was void of anything that resembled a filtering baffle)
• Working like crazy (not like the old days, but pretty darn hard keeping track of my 11 minions, I mean, direct reports). I'm trying to develop a plan for myself to keep myself more organized and less easily distracted at work.

Ah nothing like a little list to see how busy or lazy you've been. Whatcha all been doing? Because you may have noticed that returning email or phone calls was not included in my busy list.

Cell-free Zone

2004-02-26T14:51:00.000-08:00

It's mid-week, halfway through the vacation, and I've completely lost track of days or dates. It's easy to settle in to an easy going routine. We did some snorkeling on Monday which was fun. I got a little burnt on my 'flounder side', y'know the pale back part of your body that never sees as much sun as the front side.

This evening after our regular cocktail hour we went out to do a little shopping. For the first time in days I heard a cell phone ring. I hadn't missed them really, but it was weird all the same. Living in an urban environment I hear cell phones all the time. Unless someone has a ring tone that is the same as mine I can filter the noise out. Something similar to a mother penguin and her baby. Even in the office, personal cell phones go off more than our work phones. It's an invasive aspect that I find annoying even though the convenience is undeniable.

I really do like the fact that I can do things without being tethered to my home waiting for calls. If I'm busy or with someone I don't have a problem turning off the phone and letting calls go to voicemail rather than interrupting my plans or company. I do get annoyed with the way that you get subjected to all the gory personal details of some random stranger because their appropriateness filter is broken and their phone rings. It's fascinating and horrifying. It's a lot like finding out your friends are the sort that like to talk while viewing movies in a theatre. You want to know why are they like this and how can they feel it's okay.

And while I'm hovering on this side of a rant, I thought I'd share a little rant by Foamy the Squirrel on low carb diets [click on the Fat-kins toon]. It's how I feel mostly about this. Go out and have a nice bagel with cream cheese and then just eat like a normal person with some sort of control over what you put in your mouth. And turn off your cell phone 'cause we don't want to hear it. Sheesh!

Retro Mexico

2004-02-22T17:07:00.000-08:00

[I've been back a while but this is an entry I wrote while on Vacation in Mexico. Isn't it nice to know that even blissed out in a tropical dream I was still thinking of you?]

I think it's Sunday. Saturday was a fuzz of sleepy ever blinking sights. It wasn't that cold in New York, even the ever breezy JFK airport, so I was able to slip through unscathed in my red-eyed zombie state. Mom and Karen had just checked in and were waiting for me as Dad dropped me off from one terminal to the next. This was a good plan as I was totally on auto-pilot. The thought of coffee sounded good. However I didn't take into account that my head thought it was 3am PT and it just made me chatty yet unfocused. Sorry guys!

I felt funky all day and managed to get in a short nap in the afternoon which did help. We had a low key evening, snacking at the cocktail hour, taking a short walk before heading back to the room and to sleep. The next day, today really, I felt so much better and well rested. We headed off for a day at the beach.

I suspect most beach days will be the same. So here are some images from over the top of my book - baby blue skies, clouds dotted here and there, more an accent color than a threat. The wind blows in from the Caribbean Sean so it's never too hot on the beach. The sea is inky black on the horizon but softens to a rich turquoise as it rolls in with white edges onto the soft, pale beach. The sand is so fine and soft as our the waves. Nothing like the cold and brisk Pacific waves at home. The beach is littered with sunbathers, round thatched umbrellas and seabirds looking for a snack. Those little buggers are aggressive and will quickly snatch a baggies of goldfish crackers or a hamburger bun from an unsuspecting child. My visual palette is filled with Yellow towels, blue and white chairs and bodies ranging from white, pink, red and brown wandering along the shoreline along with speed boats and their colorful para sails bobbing up and down the coast.

Like a Zombie

2004-02-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a while since I've added something new for you all. Sadly, there isn't any horribly exciting reason for it. Just getting busy with life. I will be away for a week to vacation and relax in Cancun with my mom and cousin, Karen. Even though it's not the most direct route, I will be flying to New York on a red-eye this evening and then flying down to Mexico from there. It will be faster and will have me on the beach hours earlier than if I flew straight from home. Just the thought of a red-eye flight makes me tired. I will arrive at JFK like a zombie. Luckily I can catch a few more winks on the second leg of my trip, 'cause no one likes a cranky Steph.

This entry's song is a tribute to all zombies everywhere, but especially those in New York. Everytime I hear Zombie Jamboree by Rockapella I think about West sitting on the floor of my bedroom at the house on Delancey St and making a 5 volume Alphabet Soup. This one cheers me up and is one of my silly happy songs.

Simple Things

2004-02-01T01:21:00.000-08:00

I’m having problems reconciling my pleasure at seeing learning and growing experiences all over the place with the obvious marketing and product placement around them. For example, I’m sitting in a Starbucks sipping a grande non-fat chai latte. From my vantage point, a cushy micro-sueded blue wingback chair, I can expand my musical horizons to jazz, world music, and classic American music from the HEAR music rack. I can purchase and read both the local paper and the New York Times. If I don’t want to buy them, I can peruse people’s pre-read magazines and papers from the considerately placed paper basket. I can learn and buy dozens of coffee and teas as well as purchase coffee and tea making and drinking accessories. In a coffee shop years ago I would have been able to sit and get food and drink. If I wanted to buy something I’d go to a store. There was more separation.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a certain pleasure in sitting in a living room-like environment and kicking back with a drink with some friends. But knowing that every cozy little detail was engineered to facilitate parting me from my money is annoying and more than a little creepy. Sure, sure, I know I can avoid these places – and usually I do. But damn I keep getting sucked in by the comfy chairs that provide me with excellent people-watching perches. In addition, I can plug in my laptop and write journal entries for you. I’m working on using cafes as places to commit art (thanks to you and your generous art-related gifts). These are things I can’t get at home. Right now there are about a dozen or motorcycle dudes clad in tight leather body armor. The odd of them pulling up to my house to grab a coffee and hang out are slim.

I suppose that I’m sensitive to this because I am always looking for ways to expand my knowledge. Last Thursday I went with Esther and her posse to see the Diane Arbus exhibit at SFMOMA. I was fascinated and hopefully Esther was inspired. But it was all about the art and the artist. Yes, I know they have a museum store but it’s off to the side and they don’t have advertisements in the exhibit on where to purchase things in the gift shop. On a side note, if you go on Thursday evenings, you can get in for half-price from 6-9 pm. I know I'll be back there again, until the two times I was there when I worked a couple of doors down from the museum. You just need to make the time.

I was at my local library the evening before the museum trip (also refreshing void of shopping opportunities) and picked up a few videos, a couple of books on bonsai and the book The Well Educated Mind I found this book compelling since it’s premise is that you don’t need to sit in a classroom to learn something. It outlines how to read and even takes into account that most of us subsist on ‘fast food’ information derived from television, movies and magazines. It also provides a starting point of lists of classics along with my the author feels that this would expand us, her reader. I was please to see that I had read many of the authors. I know I still have a lot to learn, but it was nice to see that I wasn’t starting from scratch.

Smells like snow

2004-01-25T16:02:00.001-08:00

Sense memories are weird. They say non-visual memories like smell, touch and taste are stronger than sight. I agree, but often the non-visual memories throw me off a bit. Yesterday morning I was on my way to Esther’s after having met her, her mom and her cousin Ludi for Filipino breakfast. I had forgotten my wallet at my house. I blame it all on Esther for calling me in the middle of my getting ready routine, but that’s sad considering that I’m 37 and have been working on the morning routine for years now. On my way up and over to Mill Valley I decide that a cup of coffee would be ideal. I drove up 24th Street with the idea that I would stop at the first coffee shop that had parking right outside their door.

Today the lucky place was The Jelly Donut. I bought a regular coffee with that old style rip and flip top. As I walked back to my car, I sipped the coffee. The street was wet, although it wasn’t actually raining and the cars passing made a whooshing sound as they drove by. It was cold outside, cold by San Francisco standards, and it had that crisp clear smell of snow. I had this flashback to when I lived back East and it was the first sunny day after a snowy days. The water in the street looked like melted snow and the nip in the air made me feel like I was back home. The fact that I was drinking a regular coffee with no fancy milk or syrups and without a special sippy top or heat sleeve just added to that sensation. It was a little eerie and I stood outside my car for a minute to really revel in it all.

Today I slept in and went to check my mail and drop off some stuff in my storage space. I came so close to leaving empty-handed but decided at the very last moment that nothing goes better with cold weather than browsing old photos. So out comes a big box labeled 'photos'. It does fit in my trunk which allows me the opportunity to stop for a fancy coffee on the way home. I don't know about you, but nothing says procrastination like a big old box of envelope after envelope of photographs. Now keep in mind, I never actually said anything about organizing them, putting them into albums or anything of the sort. At this point it's just me and about 20 lbs of paper strolling down memory lane. As an added bonus, I am thinking that I will start posting a random photo from my past with each post. This entry's photo is from my last Winter in New York. Or maybe it was the one before. I actually wandered around the neighborhood with my camera taking pictures of the light dusting of snow. And this time it didn't just smell like snow it was snow.

Kidney in a Cooler and the jammin' touch

2004-01-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

Every time I hear Kidney in a Cooler by Keller Williams I start tapping my feet and sing along with the words I manage to catch. This is on his Laugh CD and yes, he is being silly on purpose. His style is catchy and great to listen to when you need a musical pick-me-up. If you want to hear more, check out his website for links and places he is playing. they say he is great live. I'm just a little sad I missed his last stop in San Francisco.

As I was listening to his jamband sound, I thought back on the crushes I used to have had on musicians. Back when I was in high school I remember always having a weakness for dexterous musicians. Drummers for sure. Rhythm and the ability to keep one going always fascinated me. I was a jazz band groupie and in addition to the drummer, I typically had my eye on at least one horn player. You see there was both the hand work and the lips to play those intricate patterns. And I'm not alone. I still remember being floored when someone hit on me based primarily on the fact that I played french horn and he'd heard things about horn players. I'd never heard anything about them before but it certainly was in my thoughts afterwards.

If anyone was more promiscuous than I (and isn't afraid to admit it) and has some practical experience on the non-musical application of instrumental dexterity, please share. I'd love to know if it has any merit, because it's not too late to be a groupie, y'know. But do give Keller a listen to in the meantime.

Life's Little Messages

2004-01-18T20:32:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed how life sends you messages when you aren't paying attention to the right things? To be honest, I have been enjoying my three day weekend up until the point where I received my last message this evening. I was out running the errands I didn't get to yesterday, now referred to as loaf-around-in-your-pajamas day. I was impressed with my efficiency. I packed up the remaining bits of Christmas into my car to drive it down the hill to the storage place. I picked up my mail, then drove around the corner to the post office to drop off some netflix movies and a letter, then over to Safeway for something good to eat as well as deposit some checks in the ATM there. I got back to the car and decided to leave the top down as I drove over to Oakland to drop off some things with Tom and Di for their trip and then I went to IKEA.

I bought only what was on my list, pretty much a miracle for me really. I stashed most of it in the trunk and one box, a black Traktor stool for my desk in the passenger seat of my incredibly small car. Feeling proud of myself, I went out to the left to get a coffee at a new coffee shop on San Pablo. When I got there, they were already closed, so I went into the bakery across the way for a simplier drink in their less ambiant shop.

Knowing that I didn't have to get to sleep early, I bought a large and managed to overfill it. This didn't last long. As I carried it over to a table, the cup bent just enough to slosh really hot coffee over my right hand. I was planning on drinking coffee while working on a list of things I wanted to do later that evening, but I was too annoyed with myself to do this now. I put the top on the cup (a little late, I know, no need to nag, I'm already suffering) and went out to the car to head home. It was nice seeing how the old neighborhood has changed and the coffee was smelling good. I thought I would take a sip from my slightly less full cup of coffee before I got onto the highway.

Of course the light changed. They always change when you don't want them to, so I sipped gingerly as I started forward. I needed to turn soon so I went to put my cup into the cup-holder when the box, remember the Traktor chair sitting next to me?, decided to tilt toward me. I still had the cup in my hand, so I tapped it defensively to put it in it's place. Well the Swedish-designed chair thought differently and decided to come back at me again. Now this is a problem because I am going into the turn and need to make a quick decision. I decide to not run off the road nor veer into the lane to my left. The box sensing it's opportunity, takes out my coffee which flips into my lap. Did I mention that the sun was setting? Yes it was a beautiful sunset this evening. I watched it from the bakery. So now it's dark. Especially dark in the car, my coffee cup is somewhere in my lap and the damn box is still looking for more action. I find the cup which gracefully did a complete 180 onto my left thigh. As I pick it up, I feel the glug-glug of coffee now leaving the mouth part of the lid and pouring onto my leg. I quickly right the cup and deftly slip it into the cup holder to my right. I note that the coffee is less hot now so I'm not screaming in pain, but swearing at the box under my breath. I am still on the road and not causing any accidents, so I start punching the box. Being a dumb cardboard box, it keeps coming at me. Given the burn on that hand, I'm not hitting the box hard enough to do any damage. To the box that is. The metal stool inside knocks back in protest. I take a couple more swings at the box muttering something I believe was "stupid f-ing box" again and again until my hand hurts more from punching the box than from the coffee.

I start laughing at myself, because I realize how stupid this all is and how stupid I am acting. I pull at the bottom of the box so that it is wedged in such a way that only an act of god would cause it to fall anywhere near me. It's at this point that I realize that my ICKY, Pittsburgh, has been suspiciously quiet. Being a small turtle made of rubber, it's not like he ever has much to say, but his eyes, were they visible, would be saying, "tsk tsk tsk". So I listened to the little turtle's imaginary scolding, slowed down, turned up the radio and took it easy.

What's an ICKY? And why do I have one named Pittsburgh? Well, Mom read an article in Reader's Digest about ways to keep young drivers alive. She thought it had some good ideas including sending the four of us off with a friend named ICKY (Impatience Can Kill You). I don't remember my first one, but he was a serious fellow and did a fine job. My latest pal has been with me for quite a while. My sister bought him for me in a novelty shop in, you guessed it, Pittsburgh, PA. He's been my constant companion in my last 3 cars and has cruised from Maine to Florida and New York to California. Now I know he's small but he is my own personal Jiminy Cricket, my shotgun conscience. Given the sheer quantity of stupid people out on the roads you might want to consider getting one of your own. Stay safe people.

Friendship

2004-01-10T16:00:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about friendship. Over a big mug of coffee and a slice of pie at Cafe Flore I've managed to put some of these thought from the past couple of weeks into words.

Some people have a lot of friends and others have no friends. I, like most of us, have quite a few. The experiences I've had, the places I've lived and the jobs I've held account for the broad spectrum of friends I have. In addition to quantity, you need to take quality into account. Most of us have a larger pool of acquaintances and a smaller group of close friends. Acquaintances typically are former school mates, old roommates, ex-coworkers or friends of those people. Once your life shifts away from the key factor that caused these people to be fast friends, they fade back to being someone you miss and call when you are back in town. This is just the way it is. I seem to have this uncanny knack for holding onto these friendships longer. Sure distance can cause some problems, but I always assume that if you manage to connect with someone and they connect with you, it’s worth the trouble to keep in touch. In some way I feel like I’ve started pack ratting friends. I just can’t let go.

As I write this I realize that the majority of my readers are the very friends I’m talking about. In fact the primary reason why I started keeping this journal. So if you’re wondering if this feels awkward to me, yes, it does. But I’m willing to deal with the discomfort if you will. Of course you are all keepers. If you stumbled across this journal and want to be a keeper too, drop me a note and say hi.

Most of the time I find my relationships with my friends keep me sane and balanced. When I need to feel connected you’re there. And when I need to be alone and hermit-like for a while, you don’t give me a hard time about it. Okay, sure it helps that I stop answering the phone and let your email sit idle in my inbox, but you don’t seem to pout for an excessively long time and that’s cool. But where was I?

Oh yeah, sane and balanced. Recently I’ve been going through a rough time with a friend. We haven’t been friends long, just over a year. Honestly if we hadn’t been in the same place at the same time, I might have gone through life never knowing her. She’s showed me different ways to look at things and she dragged me out when I was down to watch the sunset, to play in the ever frigid Pacific waves, accompanied to interesting movies and added more than she took from my life. Until recently. She suffers from an awful condition and is unaware of how sick she is. I’ve done what I can to be a good friend to her. Even though it involved doing what I could to get her back into the hospital when she thought she was just fine. I’ve reached a point, a boundary if you will, to our friendship that leaves me sad, angry, disappointed and confused.

It’s made me realize that there are boundaries everywhere. Most of us never test them or even acknowledge them. I suppose I naively have been operating under the impression that there aren’t any. I don’t imagine that my personal revelation will change anything in my other relationships. It’s like the way you don’t push the accuracy of your gas gauge after you’ve run out of gas for the first time. And don’t even think about your dad’s voice in your head telling you to never go below ¼ of a tank because of all the crap sitting on the bottom of the tank that’s waiting for the opportunity to seize up your engine.

I’m feeling badly because I’m pulling back from a friend in need. I can’t help her the way she needs, nor can I do or say anything that perpetuated the illusion she is living in. So the best I can do is abandon her and force her to deal with her problems now. She's looking to me to help her, yet didn't think it was important to tell me that she's been hospitalized at least 2-3 times for the same thing. I’m disappointed in the way she blames her condition on everyone else and doesn’t seem to take any responsibility for her actions. I realize that she’s in denial about the whole situation and has been since her recent decline. I am beginning to understand the subtext of her stories and can read between some of the lines. Some of the people she’s demonized are likely good people and her lack of friends are just bridges burned from earlier relapses. The quirkiness of the old friends she still has make a lot more sense in the current context. I suspect it will take time to get over my overwhelming feeling of betrayal. But this does help me be more distant and selectively supportive.

I realize that I am not her ‘crash and burn’ friend, as much as she might wish I am. It’s the hardest thing that I’ve had to deal with in a long while. I know it’s changing me and I’ve trying really hard to take advantage of the pocket of wisdom I seem to be sitting in and do the right thing. Which of course isn’t the easy thing, ever.

The best part is that even with all the drama, I’ve had the support of a few of you. You’ve shared your experiences with me and things you did to get through the ugliness of it all. You gave me your support and strength and let me purge and vent to my heart’s content. Thank you.

I’ve learned that friendship is not free. It does come with a cost. I’ve lost time, money, piece of mind and precious sleep. But to me it’s worth the price. For those of you less convinced of the power of friendship, you’ll be happy to know that you get what you give. Put in more of yourself and you’ll get back even more. Invest less and you’ll find that free time you’d been looking for to clean out the back closet and organize your socks.

Black Water

2004-01-04T21:50:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, or have grown to realize, I have an eclectic taste in music. There are a lot of songs I've heard over the years. Black Water, by the Doobie Brothers has always been a favorite of mine. This song came out in 1974, when I was eight. I loved the way it was upbeat with great harmonies and it made me happy. It wasn't until I was older and bought the Best of Doobies album that I even figured out that Black Water was about the Mississippi River. I dare you to not sing along with them. I've been doing it as a kid, so I have and likely will never have any self-control.

I had a hard time picking my favorite Doobie song, but this one is. The whole CD is great driving music, and I highly recommend it for anyone. I've taken then from Massachusetts to Alabama and back. Then across the country from New York to California. Of course NASA had to one up me and the Doobies along with a bunch of other rock groups on the Pathfinder mission to Mars.

Tell me about your favorite road trip music.

I'm such a sucker

2004-01-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

A sucker for slick marketing that is. Last Wednesday evening I was dropping off a Miata trunk-load of library books (that's about 30 plus my gym bag) when I spied the Potrero Market across the street. They had ice cream there and after the crazy day I'd just had, ice cream sounded perfect. So in I went. They carried some pretty slick looking products for a local corner store. First I was drawn to the ever cool, moderately sweetened elixir of Glaceau's vitamin water. Specifically stress-b and rescue sounded perfect. First dropping everything to come to the rescue of a ill friend, driving all over town and then back to pack up a 10x12 room can produce quite a bit of stress. Yeah, it's sugar water with witty labels, but it's better than a Coke.

So I grabbed the two bottles of water and wandered further into the store looking for some good junk food. Nothing was really appealing, so I grabbed a small container of Classico Basil Pesto for dinner (I use the empty containers as shake-jars for quickie protein shakes at the office. The cute little jars have measuring marks that are great once you get the garlic smell out) and cruised down the next aisle. I slowed as I cruised by the food wrap section in my everquest for freezer paper (another story for another entry). No luck so I was off to the ice cream cooler in the front of the store.

I was almost there, passing the coffee and tea section, when my eye was caught by these discreet white boxes with the word Bonkers on it. The O had a crazy curly-Q which is not what you think of when you think of tea. The names on the boxes didn't describe tea. With words like Naked, Virgin, Wet & Wild and Wired & Crazy, you're thinking what I was thinkin' - SEX. Sex teas? Okay now I like a good cuppa tea, but it's never gone that far. So of course I had to pick up a box. {sound of fishing reel casting} Yep, they got me to pick up the box.

So I read the box, then another one. Bonkers, not your grandmother's cup of tea. Whew, I should hope not, plus Oma was more a kaffee and kuchen grandmother, not the tea and crumpets sort. Okay, I know you want to know if I bought one. Yes, yes I did. And when I got home I drank my sugar water. But the next morning I put the kettle on and drank a cup. And it was pretty good too. I got wired & crazy. The tea. I wasn't wired and crazy, but I was awake and enjoyed the brew. I was curious about the company, Bonkers International, a local company in the East Bay. Not too much about them on their website, they are all mysterious now, but their tea is good and with their clever sex tea hook I'm sure they'll manage to get around to your neck of the woods.

So I was curious about how many other people were suckers for slick marketing schemes. It turns out that there are quite a few and some of them even talk about them in their journals.

Oh yeah, I completely forgot to get the ice cream. Doh!

You're So Real

2003-12-30T22:09:00.000-08:00

Here's one that moves a little more than the last. I like this one on a bunch of different levels. Go ahead and listen to You're So Real by Matchbox Twenty while I talk. This song is great. Aside from it's good tempo, I love the attitude and quite honestly I love Rob Thomas' voice. I've always had a weak spot for singers who were so good, they could shine with just an acoustic guitar backing them up. So you could imagine when Rob sings "You taste like honey Honey. Tell me can I be your honey?" in this acoustic version of Disease, I just want to eat him up. Yeah, I know. This one is on This is Alice Music 7 and a benefit CD for breast cancer research.

Where was I? Oh yeah, You're So Real. I love this line too.

You always know just who you are
You never needed someone else
To realize yourself

As I get to know who I am, I appreciate the thought. It's always good for a reminder that this is one thing we don't need others for, since we define who we are with our own words and actions. So as we roll into a new year, be yourself, be real.

New Year Crap

2003-12-27T13:13:00.000-08:00

Today I noticed that I’ve been holding my breath just a little when talking to people. I figured out that it’s because now that Christmas has past, we are now officially in New Year’s Resolution season. Thankfully New Year’s Resolution is the shortest of all seasons. Early birds start thinking about theirs as soon as Christmas is over and late bloomers contemplate theirs while nursing their first hangover of the year on New Year’s Day. As most of us blow our resolutions fairly quickly, eating our guilt and drinking our remorse before moving on to the regular issues of day to day life, I thought I might perhaps just skip it this year.

To fill the gap, why not stick in something somewhat more positive. I would make a list of all the things that were good this year. This does not have to be limited to lofty accomplishments like: 1. Discovered cure for deadly disease 2. Started multi-billion dollar corporation and 3. Nominated for Nobel Prize. I'm sure there are things we did by accident that happened to turn out well. That counts right along with planned goals actually completed. Even the little positive things are good: 1. Stopped stealing my neighbor’s Sunday paper, 2.Increased fuel efficiency by 4 mpg 3. got to bed before 1am most nights.
(Note: these are just examples not actual things I did this year).

And just to add an element of fun on New Year's Eve it easily morphs into a drinking game. With each drink you must list something good you've done. Have someone keep track of what each player says to avoid repeats. Be sure to bring a deadbeat loser friend along to be the designated driver or perhaps just stash a few bills and your address in your shoe to pay for cab fare. If you've been especially good, you can count on getting totally sloshed.

Good things I’ve done this year
Starting painting again
Kicked my TV addiction (replaced it with a Netflix habit but hey one thing at a time)
Managed to remain employed all year long
Found a great place to live
Got off my butt and started moving and eating right
And did it again after taking a break when I got sick
And then again (third time's a charm, yes?)
Wrote a whole bunch of entries in my online journal
Paid off a ton of debt and didn’t buy everything I wanted
Did volunteer work that helped people who needed it and still had fun
Was able to take two trips home to spend with Mom (using money I made from my job and overtime I earned from the volunteer work I did)
Bought and tended to 3 garden plants (2 tomatoes and 1 basil) that produced actual and edible produce.

Can't Handle Change?
Of course I realize that some people can't handle change. For you, here's a quiz to help you pick the best New Year's Resolution. Mine?

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

Anyone want to volunteer? Line starts to the left.

The Way You Move

2003-12-26T13:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if it just me but this time of the year tends to bring out this "settled in" feeling. I used to blame it on the cold and downtime between Christmas and New Year's. Perhaps it's just a habit. For those of you that aren't dashing about stocking up on deeply discounted decorations and wrapping paper, here's the first of a few songs that are sitting the MP3 player I take to the gym.

The Way You Move by Outkast is not a fast one, more a song that gets me moving during that warmup phase of my cardio workout. You can speed it by listening to the back beat and doing double-time. I guess the point I'm making is just to get moving. Now I do realize that the sort of moving the song talks about is fairly specific if you listen to the lyrics.

I will admit that I've been naively grooving to this song for a while before bothering to pay attention to the lyrics. This phenomenon is what I call "Lyrical Laziness". You enjoy the song maybe even learn the words but don't really put them in the context to which they were written. The song Afternoon Delight might have been my first foray into this area. I had no idea it was about sex, I was, like 10, when this was playing on the radio. I had no idea how many people fell into this place until I was in college and Marcia was telling me how upset her father got when she and her little brother Roger got when he caught them singing the song. Since then there have been many and given that I'm listening to more dance and hiphop at the gym, I'm sure it will continue.

Oh and if you sing along with practically any song sung by Robert Plant, it's a fairly good guess that you are in fact discovering a new way to describe sex. Don't worry about it really. Just know that if the woman standing behind you in the supermarket line gives you that look, while you sing that song in your head, it might not be because you have more than 10 items in the 10 or less aisle.

Oh yeah, get moving. More on it's way.

December update

2003-12-11T13:59:00.000-08:00

I had been thinking about doing a week in review sort of post, but I realize that it's been a month since I've been here. D'oh! I have been in recovery from the copious amount of time off I've had the last couple of weeks in November. I have been trying to blame it on this three week lingering cold I picked up from the office. Workouts have shifted to evening hours which I hate because it cuts into my loafing time. I am formulating a plan to get me out of the weird headspace I get into when I've been good and compliant for a couple of months. Since this happens again and again, finding a way to get me out of this rut and to help avoid getting stuck in it would be good.

I spent Thanksgiving at Betty's and had a great time. Dinner was great and her pies, totally from scratch, were well worth the wait. Thanksgiving rolled right into December. I decided to buy a tree on Wednesdayand Esther helped me haul it up the hill in her sporty new Tribute. Earlier that day she invited me to see Cirque du Soleil's Alegria with her. Alegria means joy in Portuguese, which is a perfect way to describe the first time I had ever seen them perform live. I had been watching their Bravo program, Fire Within, and really want to see Varakai live. This was a still a great show and the seats were just 3 rows from the stage.

After this excitement, I spent time cleaning up the house, tarting up Doug, the Douglas fir, and buying crabs for a crabfest. It was nice having a few people over and feeding them until they begged for mercy. Okay they didn't beg, but they certainly left with full bellies.

I did some Christmas shopping, but the late Thanksgiving has thrown me off a bit. I did get back into my exercise but feel like I've lost a lot of the momentum. I need to figure out what I need to keep myself motivated and eating and exercising consistently, otherwise all I've managed to do is develop the ability to binge exercise and eat properly. A weird and disturbing thing to do.

Our holiday party at work is coming up and I'm trying to come up with cool stuff to buy that is under 20 bucks. Unless someone comes up with some great ideas, I'm going to buy some cheap DVDs of old TV shows like The Little Rascals, I Love Lucy and the Three Stooges.

Seasonal Spirit

2003-12-10T16:45:00.000-08:00

This year I'm doing it differently. I'm going to try the Christmas spirit thing. It's been a little harder this year with two local radio stations deciding that mid-November is the time to start playing Christmas music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And to think I thought the crazy format changing stations were out of hand a couple of months ago.

I've bought a tree, Doug (he's a Douglas Fir and my creative bone was cold and tired that evening), and he's all tarted up with bright baubles, twinkling lights and strings of gold beads like a drag queen at the Pride parade. (Aww, c'mon like you're surprised that I, the queen of anthropomorphism, have a flaming tree?). I cleaned and organized a crabfest for some friends. I make a point of turning on the pretty blue outdoor lights on our house every evening. I made plans to see the Nutcracker on Christmas Eve. I've said yes to all the holiday invites that I've received. Last Sunday I was shopping for some last minute items for the crabfest and found myself slipping in and out of various stores. At one point I caught myself singing a jazzed up version of Sleigh Ride that had stuck in my head.

Man isn't that just a happy little song? Even when I'm not socked in with a Nor-Easter blowing feet of snow on top of friends and family back East, I have to admit it's a cool little song. I was thinking about the special history attached to that song. I do believe that Leroy Anderson's arrangement of Sleigh Ride was played at every Christmas Concert I was in for 7 years. I remember liking it because it had a good french horn part, jazzy yet not too tricky. I know I got better at it with the repetition, but I suspect I still owe my Mom big time for making her sit through 3+ hours of these concerts year after year.

For your listening pleasure I have the good version for you. This is the one you hear every year on the radio, right down to the neighing of the horse at the end. I believe this particular one is done by Arthur Fiedler & The Boston Pops. Hit of the sites on the left sidebar from the main page to buy a copy for yourself.

If you were wondering about the lyrics, here is a lyrics page of this Sleigh Ride. Since I only have the instrumental version, consider it a perfect karaoke version for your singing pleasure.

Where is the Love?

2003-11-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

Here is a fresh song that I've been hearing more and more. Since today is Thanksgiving, I thought this would be especially appropriate for a day when we think about our lives.

Where is the Love by Black Eyed Peas talks about the general craziness in the world these days. It's got a groovy hip-hop beat to catch your ear but it's the words that I find so thought-provoking. In addition to giving thanks for the good things we have, don't forget to put some thought into doing our part to make the world a better place for everyone around us. Remember, it's not just in our words but our actions. Give to the things that are important to you. Stop and make conscious choices to lead by example. Vote every time, elections big and small. Let the people who represent you know how you feel about what is going all around us, the good things and the bad. We've seen how a small action can grow and multiply until big changes happen. So whatever you do, know that you can make a difference.

Martin Sexton and comfort foods

2003-11-21T00:04:00.000-08:00

I was introduced to Martin Sexton by Karen S back when we were living in New York. She was born in Worchester, Mass just like the diner cars in this entry's song, Diner. But she not made of Aluminum Bakalite and glass, but sugar and spice and everything nice. It's a dubious disctintion to have spent any amount of time in "Woosta", but not so much to have spent time hanging out in diners. I bought his CD, Black Sheep, for the diner song, but grew to love his rich magical voice and clever guitar playing. If you have the chance to see him live, you too will see that his style is not made up on the mixing board.

I have a long and glorious history of time spent in diners. It started when I was a kid. My dad would take us to the Red Fox Diner where his friend Ari (we called him Harry) would serve us ice cream in ice-y cold metal parfait bowls. These types of experiences can have a strong influence. Years later when I was still too young to go to bars but old enough to drive around with friends, I would find myself looking for a diner to hang out in. Christopher and I would drive around listening to music way too loud on the stereo of the family Ford LTD Country Squire station wagon. He'd drive me crazy by quizzing me to identify the song after only a bar or two of music. And everytime I challenged him he would get it right. But I was talking about diners. The New York suburbs are filled with them. From the glitzy, neon-laced Greek ones to the quaint country-kitchen ones up near Albany where I went to college.

I have been blessed with friends who share my pleasure in the foods that you can get here. I still recall trying to get dry toast from the greasy one across the street from my first apartment in a slightly seedy neighborhood on Washington St. They were so damn efficient there (or else I might have been a little slow in my hung-over state) to catch them before they slathered the bread with butter.

Alicia replaced Chris as my regular diner companion. Often it was for a cup of coffee or a late night dinner of pancakes, because breakfast food always tastes better after a long day when you can really savor it. I'd love to hear about your diner stories. Oh yeah and if you think Martin rocks as much as I do, buy his CDs.

Another Year Older

2003-11-19T22:05:00.000-08:00

Here it is another year gone by. Somehow it seems like they are going faster. I was off this week. Toby came to visit from Toronto and I finally have some vacation available after a year at my current job. I've been coasting by with overtime and floating holidays so it's nice to be able to use some of the days I've earned. Even though I was just off a few months ago in September to go home and see Mom and Dad, the last day or two of work were hard. All sorts of things are going on at work this week too. But it'll be just fine without me. This is my week of play. So far it's been so good, I may do this every year.

I woke up somewhat early for the first of many birthday phone calls. Aside from the nearly constant stream of calls and songs from loved ones, it was a fairly low-key day. We made some omelettes for breakfast, went by blockbuster to pick up something interesting to watch. We had been out and about for the majority of his visit so it was nice to just stay in and play. In the evening we met up with Karen, Jay, Betty and Esther to try to eat as much seafood at Todai. I'd never been there before but the food was good and the company was excellent. Birthdays can be these weird stressful things filled with awkward expectations. This year it was perfectly divine spent with great friends.

Here are some pretty flowers that Cat sent to me.

On Saturday I am taking a silk painting workshop. I've been dabbling again and working on some older pieces that have sat unfinished for way too long. I'll try to post a new update with a photo of how things turned out. I've admired silk paintings, similar to my admiration of watercolor, so that seems enough to give it a go.

Poe's got attitude

2003-11-12T16:24:00.000-08:00

I have been reevaluating my music selections of my MP3 player. Some songs have a good tempo for aerobic workouts while others have the right pace and attitude for weight training.

I'm Not A Virgin by Poe has got attitude overflowing. At some points it's a little too quick paced but great for getting past the last few tough reps.

I heard Poe interviewed on the radio a while back. I was going to the Berkeley Bowl for a fresh produce run and sat in my car tormenting other shoppers keen on scoring my primo parking spot. You've probably heard her song Hey Pretty where her brother, Mark's voice tells the story about a seductive drive up Muholland Drive while Poe sings these haunting refrains. The album, Haunted, is the one I have and it's moody and intense. I also paint to this one, so I'm sure it will have some influence.

She's also got a huge fan club, even though she hasn't put out an album in a while. Give Poe a listen and let me know what you think.

Get Those Poppies!

2003-11-11T23:25:00.000-08:00

Oh what a beautiful day today was. It was even more beautiful that I was off today. I slept in. Oh c'mon you all saw that coming. I rolled out of bed and went to the gym. Usually I am one with my own sweat but this morning this woman got on the machine next to me reeking of coffee. I like coffee. When I am feeling well, I drink it daily. But it was horrible. I only had about nine minutes left, but it was hard to concentrate on what I was doing. I wonder if everyone smells like that when they drink coffee (I only drink water before I work out) or perhaps this woman bathed in it (or dumped a cup on herself) before she arrived. Whew!

I had an appointment to do some PC support for a couple getting DSL and hooking up and showing them how to use this new printer/copier/scanner/fax machine. She wants to get away from AOL (she may be calling them to cancel her account right now) and move on into a new era of computing. Since I don't do a lot of PC support outside of work anymore I have noticed that the people I still support coincidentally happen to be people I enjoy spending time with. So it was a pleasant afternoon for all. Even the cable guy had a laugh as we showed them the new baby goldfish that have managed to survive for the week or so they have been alive.

Nothing like a couple of baby anythings to amuse you. I have been googling images of things I want to paint and poppies have been in my head. So you could imagine how after the first hour, I was getting a little punchy. The phrase, "Get Those Poppies!" kept dancing through my brain. I couldn't get Cruella De Vil out of my thoughts. I stopped cruising for flowers for my idea box and did a search for puppies. Oh my God! If you are down or feeling blue do this search yourself. I challenge you to not cheer up after a page or two of cute puppies.

This evening I was conferring with Diana. We are doing the Body For Life program together. So now our frequent calls include how well we ate that day and if we did our cardio or weight training for the day. Even though we don't work out together, I am finding having a buddy to talk to (or whine to, on occaision) a huge help. I suspect most of you really don't care about our in-depth conversations about flax oil research and which "nutritional" bars are not just shots of protein with a sugar chaser. One web site that Di found is great - both entertaining and informational. Renee is a self-professed freak. Her last post shows off her kick ass biceps. I especially love her What I Eat page. Aside from the reassurance that I am NOT a food obsessive person, I enjoy her obsession photographing her various meals. Most of them are healthy, but a couple are less so, like the protein shake/cadbury cream egg combo. Whoa! But at least she is honest.

No Rain

2003-11-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

** This entry's song has been pulled. You guys are blowing my bandwidth quotas. Go hit a used CD store and buy the CD. It's all good and worth the money **

Well the rains of winter have begun. Unlike last November where I was tormented by rain pouring into my freshly slashed convertible top, this one was less traumatic or dramatic. Sure with the rain comes the little things like the leaky on the left side of my truck and weird no-radio-on-wet-days problem. Both of which are solvable given a recent cruise on the Internet.

But all these thoughts of rain, got me thinking about a favorite song. The song, No Rain by Blind Melon, was on the radio a lot a few years back. I know all the words, the timing and odd filler noises just from their copious play time. This song reminds me of my Blue Amigo mostly. I have this clear memory of Fid, Scott and I driving crosstown after an evening of sushi indulgences. I was singing this song out loud and joking about how I managed to do more offroading in Manhattan's urban pothole-filled roads than anywhere else. I loved that car especially when I drove to the Catskills in the middle of a snow storm, then up to Toronto with Toby and West (I still love you guys for suffering through the bad heat circulation and truck-like suspension for hours) and then home.

I don't have that car anymore, but I love this song for a variety of quirky reasons; certain lines in the song, and the way lead singer Shannon Hoon sings the song. Unfortunately Shannon died in 1995, you can still enjoy his music.

You've all been kinda quiet out there, so please send me or post some of your music memories. What songs make you think of different times in your lives?

Here for now

2003-11-04T18:54:00.000-08:00

Ani DiFranco has gotten a reputation as an angry young girl. I remember a few years back listening to an Ani tape that someone made for me as I drove to Lafayette for my dot.com job. It took me about 3 weeks to realize that the music was responsible for some serious mood modification. I was a little more aggressive than the reverse commute traffic warranted and I had attitude with a capital A in the office. Luckily I was seen as being a hard worker meeting my deadlines and not a something worse. I did swap out my music to something a little more suitable for my mellow persona. Of course if you hear me pull up behind you blaring old Ani, do me a favor and let me pass, okay?

Well, Ani's not really a girl anymore, maybe still a grrl, with her alternative punk rocker sensibilities and she's not as angry as she used to be. Her sound has matured and now she is playing with a band. If you were an old fan, don't worry, she still tells it like it is. It's just that years of singing and performing do make a difference. This entry's song, Here for Now, is from her latest album, Evolve. It's got a chunky mix of different sounds - jazz, funk, folk, latin rhythms. And to quote the the man at the counter of the It's All Good bakery in my old North Oakland 'hood, it really is all good.

I keep trying to work this music into my workout routine, but it's just not quite right. At best I can clean and fold laundry while listening to CD. Most likely this will end up in my painting music play list and that's all good too.

Listen to the song, one of my favorites, listen to the others she has on her site, and buy it. It's All Good.

Spooky!

2003-10-31T16:37:00.000-08:00

I had the weirdest dream last night. I should say the weirdest group of dreams. Unlike most nights where I don't remember anything, last night I remembered 3 distinctive dreams. I was being stalked by this seemingly nice couple. They were trying to interest me in something, but I wouldn't let them start their spiel. So I kept bumping into them and thinking that it was coincidental. Until I find myself on the New Haven line commuter train going into Manhattan and there they are. Now I'm freaked out. This is not a coincidence anymore. So now I finally try to call the police and can't figure out my phone because I don't know how to work my cell phone. In fact this is a carry-over from the dream before where I keep getting different cell phones and I can't seem to make or get calls since the controls and phone numbers are different.

I manage to ditch these weird people in a second cross country trip. I'm now in the movies with a friend. I am approached by a woman who attempts to give me a horribly bad neck and shoulder massage. Seems she is trying to make money and can make money offering services to movie patrons. huh? I feel bad and sign off on the bad massage, mostly so that she would go away. Well this was a bad idea and somehow she finds out where I live and is outside sitting on the stoop when I go out to throw out some trash. This girl needs a lot of help and I really don't know if she is serious or looking for some kind stranger to take advantage of. I really want to help her and decide to learn more about her to find out about her. [pause] Wait, what am I thinking. The only thing I could possibly describe that is less fun for you would be to describe my favorite Get Fuzzy strip. Which I will just include here allowing you to contemplate your potential horror privately.

I was more amazed that I was able to remember this much about my dreams than the subject matter. I am a little curious about what has been going on in my real life to make these things come up.

In other spooky news, there were these seriously spooky clouds out this morning. Tut tut, looks like rain. Nice billowy dark clouds. Back when I was lifeguard, I'd be packing up the loose bits and kicking the kids out of the pool with clouds like this. It hasn't rained yet, but it will.

I have been buying books. My favorite Neil/Neal's, Neil Gaiman and Neal Stephenson both seem to have snuck out books while my attention was elsewhere. If you don't know who these guys are, write me, because it is likely that you should read at least one thing they have written. I promise this to be an enjoyable experience not to mention how cool you will appear at your next soiree when you casual mention that you not only know who they are but loved their last book.

Recharge Day

2003-10-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

I had the day off today. I'm trying to hold back my inner glee a little, so you don't hate me. It was as close to a perfect day as I have had in a long time and just what I needed. It started with me sleeping in. I woke up around 9:30 and finally rolled out of bed at 10 am, got dressed and went to the gym. It was a lot busier than I would have expected. I suppose there are a lot of people who work evenings and of course a slew of unemployed folks too. Afterwards I went to a small cafe a few blocks up on 18th and York and grabbed the coffee I so desperately needed. I sat outside, flipped through the paper and took time to smile at passersby and pet the occasional dog. Then back to the car. It was such a beautiful day I had to take the top down on the car for my drive up and over to the marina.

A while ago I did a google search on "the wave" "san francisco" and found this page for the wave organ, an art installation right off the bay. I couldn't resist it since it merges the senses; sounds, sights, smells, tastes and touches. Yum. Reviews from visitors recommend the best time to go was high tide, so I found the tide tables and set off. Since I have never been there it took a longer stroll than I anticipated to get there. But accompanied by an icy cold bottle of water and my mp3 player, it was an enjoyable walk.

As I walked along the marina I was reminded of the place I had on Delancy St in Mamaroneck that was across the street from Harbor Island Park. I miss the cherry blossoms in the spring and the ever constant but subtle songs boats in the harbor play.

The wave organ was interesting and peaceful. Swarms of sailboats left the marina as the patient waves of high tide were drawn into the organ. I was a lot like a giant surround-sound sea shell. When you need some quiet time for yourself and your sound check the tide tables and head over to hear the bay play it's tunes.

Life imitating Art?

2003-10-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about what music to share with you. Rather than just picking the latest song du jour I thought I'd go back a little. I came across Lili Anel way back when I was still in New York. West had gotten me hooked on folk and world music with her MR2-full of CDs. After I wore down those Alphabet Soup tapes she made, I started to find my own sources. Sure I still listened to WLIR (or WDRE for a while back then), but more often than not I was tuned to WFUV, a public radio station out of Fordham. One night I heard this song, Dance the Life Away, playing and fell in love with the singer's voice. It was rich and intoxicating. I bought her CD, Laughed Last, and it was so good it never left my 6-pack Pioneer CD player (slot #6).

I never got the chance to see her perform. I certainly did frequent the places she has played, The Bottom Line in Greenwich Village with Karen and George and the Turning Point in Piermont, NY with Marcia. But her music came to mark events in my life.

Trying to pick just one song for you to listen to was hard. I mean, there was an entire heart-wrenching 6-month love affair that I can mark by her first CD. It started with the ecstasy of Tonight and the happy Laughed Last. A short dip of anguish on her part marked by The Wrong Time. Did I mention she was married. Yeah okay, not the wisest move on my part, but wait, we make up and Love Is It expresses those sentiments. Then come the broken promises and the distance of a 1000 miles between us. Did I mention heart-wrenching? Baby When? says it all, I'm too miserable. So I'm not surprised when I find out there is someone else just like what happens in Say It Isn't So. Okay I wasn't so completely heartbroken not to notice the eerie similarities between my life and Roberta Flack's song, Killing Me Softly.

I actually took her out of my CD Player for a month or so and tried to be a big girl and get on with my life. But there is nothing that makes you feel more alive than the ecstasy of love won and the agony of love lost. Really my scorpio nature couldn't stay away. So I put her back in her slot and I couldn't think of anything better to get into a properly bad mood than to listen to all those happy fall-in-love songs. I had forgotten about this one song nestled in with all the rest that oddly made it all better. Let Her Go (available for your listening pleasure) got me out of my funk of despair. The fabulous rhythms in this one will cheer you up if you need it. On an interesting small world side note, the guy playing the kick-ass vibes is Jeff Berman, who I met through Marcia at his funky Brooklyn apartment. He played a song for me that he was working on for one of his CDs. Find them and buy them if you love the sound.

I had secretly hoped that Lili would come and whisk me away, just like in the song, but I got over it. I got into painting and found other things that make my heart happy. Of course I will always have a weak spot for serenading strangers.

I am happy to add that Lili is back with a new-ish CD, Hi-Octane Coffee. I am still listening to the new one. Laughed Last however does qualify for that special satisfaction guarantee. Listen to the song here and if you love it, buy Laughed Last. If you really hate it I'll buy it or trade it for something you will like.

How's that, eh?

Magical Pyrotechnics

2003-10-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

It is a miraculously clear evening and I just came in from watching fireworks exploding in the bay. It's fleet week and the air has been filled with thunderous planes that rattle windows with every sweep of their wings. Everytime one flies over, all eyes look up trying to catch a glimpse. Driving in a convertible on a day like today has especially generous rewards.

This evening I went to listen to some music and ended up getting home around 8:30. I heard a booming sound in the distance. And without a doubt I knew it was fireworks and not thunder. Rather than sitting and listening from my living room, I got up, and ran out to watch. I could see the flashing lights ahead as I ran to the top of the hill. I looked down upon the tall buildings of downtown to the north-west. The fireworks were visible between two sets of buildings, perfectly placed as if I had the best seat in the city. Miles away spectators, shivering in the cool autumn air, had this magnificent display spread out before them. I watched from my view, fireworks exploding over the twinkling San Francisco skyline. A photograph of this would appear fake, a computer modified image. The finale roared one last flurry of color and then it was over.

I walked home shivering and happy from the impact of color and sound.

Thinking in Hypertext

2003-10-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

I have come to the startling realization that I think in hypertext. Anyone who has ever spoken to me, or perhaps more appropriately, listened to me go on about something understands that I tend to go off on tangents. So ten, twenty years ago I was merely unfocused and unable to stick with a conversational topic. Now I am hip and cool with words that describe my easily distracted nature.

So when I talk about some topic, I can visually link to another topic and yet appear focused on the original thought.

Of course the real trick is to find people who can listen in hypertext without getting distracted by all those blue lines! Of course I'm not the only one thinking this.

Well until that happens I will leave you with small diversions that give you warm fuzzies and loud gaffaws courtesy of Evany.

Bubble Toes

2003-10-06T00:34:00.000-07:00

This one is for Diana and Karen. I made a comment about Jack Johnson being a modern day Neil Diamond, or perhaps James Taylor. What I mean by this before you send me flaming email, is that Jack will be the sort of person that has a loyal niche fan base which I feel will last him as long as he'd like it to. This thought has more to do with my recent retro musical listening than any desire to offend Neil, James or Jack fans.

Bubble Toes was the first Jack Johnson song I ever heard. I was on my last nerve as I slinked closer to the 5th and Bryant St entrance ramp onto the Bay Bridge. I was instantly captivated by his catchy lyrics and wanted to here more. I lucked out and the DJ told me the song and artist right away. I managed to write this information down on an old gas receipt without careening into a fellow commuter. I bought his CD, Brushfire Fairytales, and enjoyed many of the other songs as well. I was able to enjoy some of the So. Cal references after a few trips to see Cat. I had no idea what the hell a tarball was until I picked up one of my own walking along a beach in Ventura. So you learn something new everyday.

Oldies but Goodies

2003-10-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

When I came back from my trip to New York last month, I noticed that not one but two of my favorite radio stations changed format. The Drive, classic rock from the 60s, 70s, and 80s is now a Country station. Not that I hate country music, but not at the cost of my rock, baby! I mean, nothing like a little Led Zepplin on the clock radio to get you up in the morning, y'know? So imagine my sheer exasperation and sadness when I discovered that The Wave washed out to sea. Okay perhaps the SF Bay area wasn't enough to hold onto a World Music and Reggae station, but it's still sad it's gone. You could always count on it having something different when everyone else was playing the same music.

So I have been wandering up and down the radio, scanning for something new. I assumed that if two radio stations can change formats maybe some other station that I hated now has cool music. Reasonable, yes? One of my gaps on my car radio has been filled with KFRC, an oldies station. I remember when oldies music was stuff that was made before I was born. Now it is music that I listened to when I was a kid. The best part is that it all has memories. Thanks to my mom, would always had the radio on, in the house and the car, I've got tons of songs in my head. I hear a song that reminds me of the summers we would go to Oakland or Jones Beach. The lyrics to these songs are also in my head. Sure a lot of them are in that, not quite right way, but rather than using my mind for uber-good, like discovering the cure for cancer or even the common cold, I have all these 'oldies' lyrics in my head.

This song, I’ll Take You There by The Staple Singers keeps popping up, in movies, on television as well as being covered by tons of people. Go ahead listen to this and try to keep still.

Getting and Losing Lost

2003-09-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a visit home to see my parents. It's been over 5 years (6 in January) since I left New York and that neighborhood called Silver Lake but in many ways it will still be home to me. It's where I was born, where I spent my childhood and even a handful of years as an adult. My last apartment in New York was in the heart of this cool primarily Italian neighborhood near the top of the hill. At the bottom was a little strip of shops and restaurants. There were more delis than gas stations in this little village which always struck me as funny.

Now that I've been in San Francisco for a while I have managed to lose some of my memory of how to get from point A to point B. I dropped off Mom at her chemo appointment and was running some errands. I was trying to get from the supermarket to the library. There is this little shortcut you can take behind the supermarket that will bypass about a gazillion traffic lights and would drop me off right on Lake Street which goes right to the library. Easy. Well about 5 minutes in I realized that I must have missed a turn. About 3 minutes later I admitted that I had no idea where I was, but suspected that I might be on Buckout Rd, our own little suburban urban legend street, that ran behind the lake and was host to dozens of horror stories.

I mostly remember it as the street I find myself on when I am completely lost. Well I managed to find my way to the library and back to Mom, with only these pictures to remind me of this little misadventure.

I was a little embarassed. When I was bored or sad or just wanted time to think, I would get in a car and drive around. As long as I could find one of the many highways or parkways that ran through Westchester County I could always find my way home. The summer I spent doing pre-canvas for the Census Bureau connected numerous neighborhoods for me, so I had alternates to alternate paths if my main route was backed up. So getting lost in an area that I once knew so well was a little sad.

I didn't think much about this until I got back to San Francisco. I was driving back home after dinner with my friend Karen. I was a little tired and halfway home realized that I was on auto-pilot. Her neighborhood, Golden Gate Heights, is filled with winding streets that seem destined to pull innocent passerbys into wrong turns at every block. I didn't make a single wrong turn. It was as if I knew instinctively which was to go.

I realize that there are fewer and fewer places I can go that are strange for me in San Francisco. Like most people, I have my routines and tend to frequent the same stores and shops for my errands. Even though I've been here 5 years, there were a lot of places I'd never been to until recently. Interestingly, I'm beginning to picture the best way to get from here to there. Even when here and there are places I go to only once in a while. In some ways I miss the thrill you get when you are getting to know some place new. How exciting it is to find the perfect coffee shop to meet a friend or the best place to grab a quick bite before a movie. I'm losing the lost sensation in San Francisco.

It's All About Me

2003-09-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

I've been working out for a while. This song is one that is completely upbeat and great about 15 minutes in when I start coming up with reasons why I could stop. I don't think I would have ever stumbled across this song if it weren't for Amara's desire to put together a mixed CD of her favorite songs. I highly recommend that you stop and listen to what kids are listening to. Sometimes it's total soda-pop and and sometimes it's not. The fact this this one is about Me, Myself and I also makes it a statement about being yourself, no matter what.

Okay this is soda pop, but give it a listen and let me know what you think. But at least it's got Vitamin C in it!

Trip Home Checklist

2003-09-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

Things I am doing while I'm home

Relaxing
Catching up with mom and dad
Testing the effectiveness of my new allergy medicine combo (works great so far!)
Wishing I had packed more clothes for rainy weather
Taking pictures of people and places I’ve seen on this visit
Hooking up the ‘rents with a reasonable mobile phone that meets *their* needs.
Catching up with a few friends and family, especially those I missed last visit.
Finally finishing the book that West loaned me last year when I saw her and Jim at Worldcon!
Driving in mom’s car enough to enjoy what a midsized car with decent suspension can offer, even if I did feel like I was driving an SUV because I was sitting so high off the ground.
Enjoying classic summertime things like the cricket/highway combo noises at night, the smell of a summer rain, walking through Dad’s garden
Shamelessly spoiling Oprah and missing Peaches - These are cat names not backup singers.
Fixing little things around the house and trying to do things the Girl Scout way (leaving things looking the same if not better than how I found it) because it makes Mom happy.

Things I’m not doing
Working on the online photo gallery (I don’t know why I thought this would happen since mom and dad are using a dialup service.
Thinking about work or problems back in San Francisco.

Things I’m going to do
Put together something to help sibs quickly edit and post pictures that can be viewed easily by everyone, but especially those with dial-up connections. 1 MB pictures? Ouch!
Catch up on my email
Make a list of things I need to finish from this visit
Make up a non-list entry for the journal
Get that convertible top finally installed

Songs with Two Contractions are better than just one

2003-08-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Okay for those of you that have never heard They Might Be Giants (TMBG) before here is the first TMBG song that I heard on the radio, Don't Let's Start.

I was discovering the eclectic joy that is college radio and my initial reaction was was horrified delight. Huh? Their songs are weird. Really weird and calling them quirky isn't strong enough. But they are also so damn catchy. Go ahead and try to listen to this without finding a snippet of a song stuck in your head long after you heard it. This is from their first album, They Might Be Giants and I have it on vinyl. (Okay Mom and Dad have it on vinyl in the basement, next to the utility sink on the laundry room which is probably ruining the records, but I digress.)

I'm linking the lyrics of this song because it's only fair to give you the opportunity to avoid Two Line Syndrome. Two Line Syndrome can best be described as the tortuous realization that you have a song in your head but can only remember two lines. You sing those same two lines again and again until it is hopefully replaced by something else. I still remember standing waiting for the elevator in Mohawk tower my junior year of college with Marcia Ryder. She was singing, "Woke up in my clothes again this morning. Don't know exactly where I am." She would stop and then start again and the beginning. After about 5 minutes I yelled at her to stop for The Love of Mike before something bad happened to her. I did end up buying the album so that I could get closure on that damn song. So don't blame me if people start threatening you. You've got the lyrics. Oh and if you like this and want more, see the links on the sidebar for purchasing opportunities.

End of the Week of Sheets

2003-08-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight is a normal San Francisco summer night. The fog has been rolling in from the west and swallowed the peaks and valleys all evening. A few hours earlier you could feel the chilly dampness as the fog mists over the peak of the hill I live on. Since I live near the top I can watch it slip around the North Slope as it continues west into the bay and Oakland. On the right sort of night it’s downright creepy. Ah, nature’s air conditioning is working again.

The past week I’ve been sleeping in sheets and fending off the new generation of mosquitoes that have been eating me alive every night. It was cool enough to sleep if I left the window open but then the critters get in. The next night I tried to sleep with the windows closed and ended up waking up in a sweat. Both stink. Before you, non-San Franciscans tell me about screen windows, let me explain why there are few of those here. According to the locals, there are no bugs here. And mostly they are correct.

Growing up in New York where summertime meant moths, Japanese beetles and june bugs hugging the screen door trying to get in, crickets and cicadas making their own special kind of white noise to fall asleep, fireflies lighting up the early evening hoping to pick up a firefly chica with their seductive glow. Here those bugs don’t really exist. I read something about insecticides being sprayed in the Bay Area and as a result there aren’t really any bugs here. Or maybe they just hate the fog? So as a result when you open the window, there is no mesh screen to keep things from flying into the house.

During the day it’s been hot, which is good for my tomatoes but bad for the rest of us who would prefer something less balmy. Saturday Cat was up and we went down to Palo Alto to stroll through their Art Festival. It was a nice drive down in the convertible and aside from the constant need to rehydrate ourselves it was a nice day. On the way back we got caught in traffic around candlestick park. At one point the driver in the car in front of us put something on his head that looked like horns.

We gave him the thumbs up since it seemed like a cool thing to do when bored in traffic. As we passed him we were able to get a quick glance at his horns before he took off for the 49ers game.

Sunday we met up with a bunch of friends in Napa. Ordinarily Napa Valley, like all valleys in California, is nice and warm. Great for the grapes y’know. But today it was unbearably hot. It was fun to see everyone and meet Kris, who is back in the area but working her tail off, but damn! it was too hot. It did allow us the opportunity to go back to San Francisco and feel that it was substantially cooler since we did have a somewhat cool breeze blowing.

Of course now that it’s cooler I’m losing all of my heat acclimation. I’m getting ready for a trip home to New York and a few days of cool weather may totally throw me off. I hope that this heat-wave thingie will sweep across the country before I get back East.

How Annoying

2003-08-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

This week has been a moderately annoying work week. It seems that I am dealing with more people who take a simple task or procedure and make it complicated. I am actually going to attend a meeting to discuss how to contact my group in the event of an outage. Because it seems that a written note that says email this address or call this one phone number is too complicated. I wonder if Mars has anything to do with this?

So this has brought out my defiant side. See me here sneaking a ride in the ever so convenient freight elevator.

Oh and here is that picture of the new blue furniture I got from Anne. I swear I know someone who looks like the woman in the picture. I love the fact that this was taken in someone's real home (see the real sofa in the background?) They should have put this in the rec room or in the kids room to make it seem more realistic. Once I get them out of the box and inflated in real life I'll update the pictures on this site. The color looks better inside the box than outside.

But I haven't been piss and vinegar all week. I did a good deed and supported a couple of web journallers I have read for years along with the Oakland Public Library. Pamie heard about how the Oakland Public Library has lost their funding and started a campaign to get some books out there. Having lived in Oakland for years, I knew where all these branches were and spent many a day distracting myself from the unpleasantness of unemployement. Nothing like a good book to get your mind off of things. I was going to send them Pamie's book, but they have a bunch. I just got another book by another web journaller, Fred Anderson, who wrote a book, From Chunk to Hunk, about how he lost a considerable amount of weight without any freaky diet plans, drugs or surgery. He published the book himself so I thought it would be apropos to send a few copies of Fred's book to Oakland. So I did.

Still cranky but feeling good.

Don't be so serious

2003-08-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Once I decided to start doing this, I realized that the first song carried great importance. You see I knew that you would listen to this song and read this entry and wonder. So I stopped and realized that often in life I would catch myself taking myself way too seriously.

So in that vein, I am offering my first song in a lighter and sillier vein. This song is called 10 Puppies by Deborah Pardes. I first saw her at a Viva Variety and fell in love with her songs and style. She's funny, quirky with a quick wit and great songs and showmanship. On top of that she also involved in community issues like the SIBL project , which uses music to inspire low-level readers to read. Plus she's a local artist, so I never know when she'll be playing some place nearby that will make my day.

I love all of her songs, but this is my favorite. Listen to 10 Puppies and tell me what you think. Seriously.

Welcome to Tunes Talk

2003-08-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

Hey welcome to my latest little procrastinational device. I often find myself so easily influenced by music. It can make me happy where I want to sing out loud and dance around the room. If I'm sad or mad, there are tons of tunes that can be my personal soundtrack for my own pity party. Some songs have memories attached to them. Like a shadow they are there lurking. So in the spirit of sharing and starting interesting conversations, I've started this music blog.

I'll include the song so that you can listen to it along with links for more information on the artist or band and places you can go to buy a copy of your own. Please don't ask me to post the entire CD. I don't intend for this to be a place to download CDs. If you like what you hear, buy the album and support that artist.

I like all sorts of music, so you're bound to get a taste of things you like and things that will cause you to question the strength of our friendship. From time to time, I may have some guest posters talk about their favorite songs.

Drop me a note if you'd like to post something.

They Might Be a Documentary

2003-08-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'm all hyper and in a good mood tonight. It might have a lot to do with the fact that dinner consisted of popcorn and cherry coke. Maybe. I went to see the 7 o'clock show of Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns. It is about the band They Might Be Giants, a quirky alternative rock sort of group. I thought about who I knew that might actually be interested in going with me. As far as I know, the only person who would be as equally jazzed about this is Brian, but he's 3000 miles away in NY. Anyone who's had the domain Blue Canary is a fan. It seems Betty would have gone if she and Jack hadn't already seen it last Saturday when it came to the Castro Theatre. So I went tonight by myself. Just as I expected there were a bunch of other fans who had no friends to drag along, and why would you do that when you could revel in their coolness without having to explain stuff like the Dial-a-Song. Even the snitty guy in the box office who somehow interpreted, "One please" to be "Two Adults" and they gave me attitude because he screwed up (or perhaps he just got distracted by some cute hunk walking behind me) couldn't ruin my good mood.

I first discovered They Might Be Giants (TMBG) back in college at the record co-op at SUNY Albany. I bought their eponymous album, They Might Be Giants after getting hooked on Put Your Hand in the Puppet Head and Don't Let's Start. It was so weird yet so completely catchy I couldn't stop playing it. I bought it as an actual LP, vinyl, the big round black thing when cool album art meant something and when a CD was an investment instrument. I bought a bunch of their records. There was this cool guy who worked there, I think his name was Jeremy, who would stop me if there was a new album out because he thought they were the best and loved talking to anyone about them.

In any case it was neat to see that there were a lot of younger fans there too. I mean, these guys are 39 and 40 years old and married and still just as geeky as they were back in 1986 when I discovered them. Sure it didn't stop me from trying to decide which one I liked best in that fantasy date/fuck/new best friend way. Yeah, well I still can't decide. The documentary would have been boring if you don't like them, so don't go and see it and then complain to me. Come borrow a CD or something. Hmmm...maybe I better go grab those old LPs from Mom and Dad's basement.

Speaking of Mom and Dad, I was talking to my mom the other day. Dad's been reading a lot lately in an attempt to fill his crazy days of retirement. It reminded her of a day when my father "punished" me. It was a Sunday and I was sitting around reading when he came in and found me lounging about. "Is that all you can do - sit around and read a book?" he said. "Well you can stay in your room and read then." I suspect he was planning on doing something fun, but making me stay and read was hardly a punishment. I'm afraid it didn't make a lasting impression on me. Of course any Go-to-your-room punishment was anything but punishment since there was always something to do.

Well anyway, I've been fussing with the idea of a place to talk about music and maybe even give you a little taste of a group or artist that you probably wouldn't know about. Music is such a powerful thing and on a really bad day, I can always count on a good song to remind me that it's not that bad and that things will get better. Or that I'm not alone and someone else is there with the soundtrack for my pity party. Rather than intermingle the tunes with my written, ahem, pearls, I'll be setting up a link on the side which will point to the sub journal or blog. I've got an introductory page up and you can join the notify list if you want to get an email when I post new songs.

Oh Can't Complain

2003-08-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

Today is my older brother’s birthday. For a change I was aware of its approach and I pre-purchased and sent out a card well in advance. I even remembered to call him and we talked for hours. While this isn’t an unusual thing for me, some people might find it for him. As a kid, Jerome was the one who always managed to find something interesting to do and didn’t mind if I watched or tagged along. Granted he often got into trouble with his thinking outside of the box activities (I think Dad still has pieces of that lawnmower you disassembled.) I know I’m probably repressing some of the torturous moments, okay I’m not, I still remember being locked into the tire well of the family station wagon. I still don’t like tight spaces.

But I mostly remember the fun times, like sneaking off on a Saturday morning to take a bus all the way to Yonkers to see the latest James Bond movie. Of course we would stay in the theatre all day long, y’know because they wouldn’t kick you out if you were behaving yourselves. And the sledding ramp he showed us how to build was great. I can remember taking pitchers of water outside so that we could ‘set’ the ramp. Setting meant going out after dinner and pouring water over hard packed snow in the shape of a ramp until it froze solid. So now we could careen through the air into the piles of snow the plows left at the bottom of our dead end street.

He also helped me to be more self-sufficient. In high school if we missed the school bus, rather than going back home to incur the wrath of Dad and have to listen to him yell at us for the entire 20 minute drive to school, we’d walk into White Plains and catch a bus to school from there. Sure it would take 40 minutes, but it was a peaceful 40 minutes and at most I’d miss 1st period, which was usually band or a science lab. By the time he graduated, I was able to get around most anywhere by bus. This is a good idea when there are so many kids vying for the keys to the car.

But with all of these things, chatting on the phone for hours is not something Jerome is known for. This seems to be a late-in-life trait he’s developed. I can’t even tell you all the things we talked about, although talking about work or computers is a good bet. Otherwise it could be anything. I totally forgot to ask how his bees are doing.

And just as I was thinking about how much I appreciate and enjoy my brothers and sister, I get an email from my s-i-l, Hyunjoo. It’s a great newsy letter that just made me grin. So I suppose I should expand my thought to include my sibs-in-laws too. While they don’t have all those weird idiosyncrasies you get when you grow up in the same house, they are still pretty damn cool. Not everyone is so lucky.

In general, life’s been good. I’ve been procrastinating about things I want to get done. But things seem to get done eventually. I guess a better way to look at it <watch for the spin> is that I am enjoying the summer more by doing things I enjoy with people who are fun. If that means that I drive around another two weeks with my funky taped up top and primer grey fender, then okay. I can deal with that. I’ve seen some great movies, had engaging conversations, and seen vistas of San Francisco that would take your breath away. Oh yeah and all this at the lowest stress level in years. So you know when you ask someone how they are doing and the respond, “Oh can’t complain.” Well they really mean to say things are good and I’d like it to stay that way for a while.

Got any complaints?

Getting down with the Pacific Ocean

2003-07-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

I went for a walk this evening with Cabala. She was responsible for dragging my sorry ass to the beach last summer while we were house-sitting in Oakland. So it shouldn't be surprising that our walk was out along the ocean. Of course this being San Francisco, it was completely fogged in. Rather than making it grey and bleak, it was mysterious and moody. We got to the beach around six o'clock and there were only a few guys with their fishing gear getting set for their evening. We walked down to the end before descending onto the beach. We took off our shoes (don't worry I was wearing my old sneakers) and left them by the wall. Walking down to the water, the beach was littered with these cool looking jellyfish.

I think we past about 12 people and 14 dogs in the hour or so that we walked. Two of those people were in hang gliders. It was fabulous even though I managed to soak my pant cuffs in the water. Of course the muscles in my legs are all happy to have gotten some attention. I brought my camera and left it in the car, thinking that it would be a boring palette with everything a homogeneous grey. I was *so* wrong. While I didn't get a classic color drenched sunset, there were so many things that were begging to be photographed. It is probably this that is the main reason why I am going to do this again.

It's Summertime, get outside!

Wot's this now?

2003-07-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was a day of many packages. The woman who works at my storage/mail box place was expecting me as I checked my mail after work. As she opened the door she asked if I wanted to take my stuff in two trips. I had no idea what she meant until I glanced past her into the package room to find that I had one whole shelf of boxes and envelopes. Now I was expecting a few things but I just didn't expect them to all come at the same time. It was in fact, Christmas in July.

First there was the digital camera. Yep, I decided that the old old old Kodak DC50 wasn't cutting it as my only digital camera and the thought of scanning standard photos makes me blue. So I am the proud owner of a spankin' new Canon A70. As a result I will soon be providing photos for you to view here soon.

Next was a cheap memory chip for the camera above.

After that was a free CD and the first issue of a new magazine subscription for Girlfriends.

Then I was pleased to see my mail-order allergy medicine arrived. there is no good reason to pay a higher co-pay if you can get 90 days for the price of one month, right?

Then the last box, the biggest box of them all, was a set of inflatable furniture. In blue. I'm not sure why or who sent this. There was no packing slip in the box. No invoice information on the packing slip. A true mystery package. I did call the place it was shipped from, Sam's Club in Tennessee. I called the number on the return address and explained my situation to the customer service rep who couldn't quite understand why this was a problem. I wanted to reach through the phone and shake him while screaming, "Some one sent me furniture you can blow up. I am almost 37 years old and I really need to know if this is someone important enough to me to explain why this sort of gift is so wrong on so many different levels.

But no, I got no satisfaction. On the bright side, this could be a great gift for someone else. Or else I can make someone's day by having a great garage sale find.

Can you believe it?

Was this a good idea?

2003-07-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

I've been driving around with a dent in the right read fender of my car since April 2002. I've been sad, annoyed, embarrassed, and stubbornly indifferent about it all. Along with those feelings I've been stopped at least a dozen times by complete strangers with offers to take care of the dent. At first I turned them away because I was unemployed and fixing a dent was certainly not worth the cost. Later I dismissed them because I was attempting to defeat the car pride that seems to be an integral part of me. Most recently I would turn them away - Geez, enough already! Go find someone else to pester!

But yesterday I said yes. Partly it was that he said the right things in the right way. But mostly it was a decision I had made to do something, even if it wasn't perfect to deal with that annoying dent hanging over my right shoulder. A co-worker and I have been joking about taking a bathroom plunger to it, since it looked like that was all it would take.

So when I pulled into the car wash stall down the street from my house I said yes. John started out asking for a much higher rate, but was willing to accept the 50 bucks I had in my wallet at the time. He did deliver more than that for me, but the act of repair was more traumatic than I would have imagined.

There are many things in life that you really don't want to see first hand. Some people can't look at needles, but accept them because they are a necessary evil. Other people keep their eyes closed on wild amusement park rides because they are frightened of the heights or speed but still love the exhilaration and excitement the ride brings them. Some people don't watch as their hair is cut, leaving their trust in their stylist to make them look better than they did when they walked into the salon.

I shouldn't have watched. It started off okay. I thought it was going along rather well and was pleased at how much of the dent was coming out with just a few simple tools. Then he got to the complexity of the indentation. Yeah, just look away. You probably don't want to see this either. I was lost in how he was working one side of the dent then the other, shifting over to a secondary section and then back to the first. I could see some parts weren't cooperating. But I wasn't prepared for him to pull out the hammer and screwdriver and bang a bunch of holes right through the metal. I remember thinking, damn the paint is chipping. Like the holes weren't a bigger deal. He didn't hesitate and I gritted my teeth and let him continue because it would look worse if he stopped here.

He kept going, pulling at the dent, adding more holes and more holes. For the Love of Mike! How many more will it take!? Before I knew it he was done. The dent was gone too. All that remained were the bullet holes and chipped paint of my right quarter panel. I thought, If this ends badly I'll just take it somewhere and get it done properly. But he mixed and blended and smoothed on a salve of Bondo and grey primer over my baby's hip. She actually looks better. Better than she did with the dent. She still needs a paint job and if I were feeling particularly masochistic I have John's number and I can call him to do the paint.

I'm going to take it to get it painted in a shop that will cover-up for overspray, sand it down and make it look pretty and shiny like the rest of the car. I don't want to watch it. My jaw is sore. I can't bite down on anything chewy on the right side of my mouth. The muscles in my jaw are still a little tense from this experience. But I'll recover and once I get the new top on the car, it'll look pretty again.

My advice? Turn away, you don't want to watch this.

Lip smacking good

2003-07-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

I've managed to misplace my favorite lipstick lipbalm. Certainly there are more pressing things in life, but today I've been all pouty, and not in a good way, about it. A few weeks ago I managed to get across the Bay Bridge into Oakland considerable faster than I expected, like an hour faster. So with my tomatoes doing well I thought I would eye the pretty plants at the good Long's Drugstore on Broadway and 51st. I wandered inside thinking I would see if there was anything I needed. This is when I found the magical balm. It seems that old Burt has been busy as a bee expanding into cosmetics.

Their marketing people will be pleased to know that I was drawn in by the clever names of their lipsticks. I wanted Honesty, but they were all out. My second choice was Willingness. However I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be willing to do. Honesty seemed to be an easier option and less likely to get me into, erm, trouble.

In any case, my Willingness has disappeared. Or perhaps someone else was lured by its, y'know, willingness. This weekend was Pride and Cat came up to visit. In addtion, we had a young visitor who came to stay with me and have Cat and I as his Pride weekend aunties. It was fun having a 14 year old kid around and he reminded me how much I miss Bek's daughter. We did a little shopping in the Castro after having a good breakfast. Then hung around, before setting off to a BBQ at Betty's and the Dyke March. This time we watched them as opposed to being in it. We made friends, exchanged beads with a friendly girl and then met up with our friends. Back for cookies and tea and off to bed.

Since last year's plan worked so well, we set out early for a spot on the parade route. We were running late, but still managed to find a nice place behind 4 older women who were sitting on the curb. With a row of locked newpaper boxes behind we were protected. After the parade, lots of walking around before our guest was tired and ready to catch the next BART train for home.

But we weren't exactly tired yet. So we grabbed some dinner and went to see Matrix Reloaded at the IMAX theatre at the Sony Metreon. Great weekend of the sort that require a week to recover from. So the only thing I was willing to do was sleep.

How is your summer turning out for you?

Character defining moments

2003-06-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

After reading this article in the local paper, I have to wonder if we, as a society, are moving in the right direction. Perhaps I'm just showing my secret Luddite ways. Having been employed as an IT (information technology) professional for the past 13 years or so, I used to be all about getting kids to become more proficient at keyboarding, basic computer use as well as having an understanding of technical topics. Given how technical most consumer electronics are, they seem to be doing okay. But now I'm having some second thoughts.

It used to be receiving a personal letter in your mailbox was something you could reasonably expect to show up around the bills. Okay, even I will admit that getting a Birthday and Christmas card was typical fare, but if you got lucky it had a personal message in it. There have always been those special subsets of people who send newsletters to 'catch people up' with what they and their family have been up to since you last heard from them (not surprisingly a year ago since their last Christmas card), but I digress.

Now you get eGreetings wishing you a happy birthday in your email. In fact most of the correspondences I give and receive is done using my computer and not with pen and paper. It's a great way to speed up communication and when I consider that most of my family is thousands of miles away I can appreciate the medium.

But do you remember learning to write? I still remember getting my handwriting primer (for left-handed students) in first grade. It has pictures showing you how to hold your pencil (those big fat red ones with no erasers on the end) and how to make all the basic letter shapes. First you copied the ones with dotted lines and then went off on your own filling the page with slashes, curves, circles and lines. From there we covered letters and numbers and once the book completed we could write any letter we wanted anytime we wanted.

Cursive was like a foreign language and it was a lot harder to get the shapes to look like the sample alphabet that hung over the blackboards that circled the classroom. But still we persevered because this was 'grown-up' writing. I remember being so proud of my handwriting even at its most clunky and awkward state. Computers didn't show up until years later so we weren't spending any time at a keyboard. All of our book reports were handwritten and double-spaced. When we got older, we were first allowed and then expected to type up our reports. I remember being envious of kids whose moms were typists. What took me hours and hours they could do in the space of one bad sitcom.

Questions I have are: What will handwriting look like when these kids are grown? We are going to have to live and work with them. Maybe everything will be computerized and writing things on a piece of paper will be considered a quaint past time.

Years ago when I bought my first PDA (it was an Apple Newton) and then a Palm PDA I learned the shorthand they called graffiti. Will the next type of handwriting not be Spencerian or the Palmer Method or even the current relaxed print cursive (italic) but graffiti?

A piece of me sees this as part of our evolution. Kids will be learning fancy handwriting in art class and not part of the Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic of yesteryear. Well, I've decided to fight this transition to Scanning, Keyboarding and Coding and will do my part to keep handwriting alive.
Send me your address and I'll send you one honest-to-goodness handwritten letter. Tell me what you've been up to and in return a will reply with a thoughtfully scribed letter, possibly even with the occasional spelling error (no spell-checkers in real-life darlings!). If you'd like to impress the pants off of me, let me know and I'll send you my mailing address so that you can send me one of your own!

Let the handwritten letter revolution begin!

Toll Booth Stories

2003-06-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

Just the other day I was catching up on some of the journals I like to read. I used to read a lot of journals. I blame it all on an old co-worker who innocently asked if I knew anything about online journals. I started reading some of the ones she sent me. When I was working at the dot.com a couple of years ago, I spent much of my 'look busy' time reading journals. I read 5 years of archives and thought that I could do this too.

Last October I went to JournalCon 2002 since it was in my home town. I've been keeping up with a bunch of journals from journallers that were there. One guest speaker/journaller Pamie has been re-posting some older entries from her archive. This one reminded me of a trip I took with my younger brother Bill. And this one from Jette convinced me to post it, knowing that he'd be okay with it.

It was back in 1985 and Bill and I decided to take a class to learn how to scuba dive. After several weeks of classroom and pool work, we were ready for our open dive test. Now this was back when I was living in New York and it was late April. I wasn't sure how cold it was going to be even with a wet suit at this time of the year, but off we went with images of diving in the warm waters of the Caribbean with colorful tropical fish all around us.

When the weekend came, Bill and I decided that I would drive down and he would drive back. Lovely Dutch Springs Diving and Recreational Facility was your basic flooded quarry. Someone decided to turn it into a "facility" by putting in platforms at varying levels as well as submerging a few items of interest, boats, a helicopter, an airplane, a few shopping carts and whatnot. The dive itself was marred by a few tragic errors on our parts. One - I should not have had a soda with my lunch prior to the afternoon dive. Gas bubbles in your stomach are small and somewhat managable on land, but 30-50 ft underwater they are larger and well, they scared the shit out of me, I freaked out, made an emergency ascent and had to be calmed down before I could finish the rest of my test. Bill wasn't laughing at me as much as he might have ordinarily. The reason? Well, in all the excitement, he managed to not exhale out of his nose at any point during his dive. Doesn't sound like that big of a deal, you say? Well when he got out of the water and took off his mask he had what in the trade is called mask squeeze. In layman's terms he had a giant face hickey. It sorta looked like he was a human raccoon or that I whacked him in the face while he slept. In any case it made it hard to look him in the eye without snickering.

The second day of diving was uneventful and we started our drive back home. We were in the family car, a big white Ford Country Squire station wagon with faux-wood decals on the side and back - a classic 80s vehicle. At one point during the trip, this sweet-looking candy apple red Mustang zoomed by us as we approached a toll plaza. The driver tapped his brakes once, threw the quarter toll into the exact change basket and roared off. My smirk turned to shock and dismay as it dawned on me that we weren't slowing down enough to pay the toll. I turned to look at Bill, a testosterone-charged gleam of challenge in his eye. He tapped the brakes once and furiously cranked the window down.

He took aim and pitched the quarter as we approached the toll booth. I really did wish that his aim was true and that through some miracle, the quarter might hit the mesh basket. However this was not what happened. In a flash, the quarter zoomed out past the tollbooth, not even close to its intended target. Bill jammed on the brakes, just past the basket, but not so far as to set off the alarms. He reached out and gestured for me to hand him another quarter. With his jaw firmly set, he shakes his head and says, "Don't say it, just hand me a quarter."

I'm silent but grinning as I hand him a quarter and he backs up the car to toss it in. As we pull away I can't hold it in any longer and laugh and laugh. You see he had been busting my chops for about 20 minutes prior to this stunt. I managed to navigate us in the wrong direction while looking for gas and we went through the same toll plaza twice. He joking informed me that I was going to have to pay extra for that mistake. Now, I figured, we were even.
-----

I heart shoes

2003-06-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

I know that many people love shoes. Some people have rooms just for their shoes. Other people have shoe fetishes which bring loving to a whole different level. I've loved shoes as long as I can remember. One of my earliest shoe memories is a pair of red Buster Brown Mary Janes. Those shoes rocked my little 5 year old world.

I used to have a lot of shoes. Some of them lived life as only favorite shoes can; worn almost constantly until there was nothing my cobbler could do to keep them alive. With all the moving I've done over the past year or so, I've pared down considerably . My stable of shoes is about a baker's dozen from the 50+ I had when I was living in Emeryville. Most of the survivors are what I consider my favorites.

A favorite is typically comfortable, cool-looking and often functional. There are some specialists like my biking shoes or the winter boots I bought my last Winter in New York. I want to let the boots go, but know one day those babies will save my life (or perhaps just keep my feet warm). These shoes are infrequently used, but are comfortable and have a certain practical coolness to them.

Often shoes have a story behind them. My black patent leather Doc Martens were discovered at the Oakland Museum White Elephant Sale. I had only been in California a few months and decided that Doc Martens were the kind of cool shoes that I wanted to have. I wandered the Haight street shoe stores drooling over cool shoes that were just too damn pricey for my budget. On this special overcast day in March, Becky took me to this uber-garage-sale to in search of bargains. The Oakland Museum Association has this huge warehouse in the Fruitvale neighborhood where they store things that they receive from others, mostly Estate Sale leftovers and once a year open their doors to the public. Walking in is like going through a Tag Sale Walmart with different department like Women's Clothes, Books, Furniture, Housewares, Fabrics, Kids Toys and Shoes. granted someone else's used shoes are not what I typically get into, but since it was the first section on the right as you walk in, it was a natural place to start.

I saw these Doc Marten shoes in the size 4 section. I was heading for my 6-7 section, but these shiny babies caught my eye. I picked them up to whine at Becky how they had a pair, but not in my size. She commented how they might fit since British sizes are a smaller than US sizes. I tried them on and they fit. Perfectly. I wasn't sure about the patent leather part. they were really shiny. I noticed that they were in good condition and wondered if they had ever been worn since the soles were clean and the insoles didn't have any of the tell-tale wear you get when someone else's feet have been there. These were brand new shoes. The part that closed this deal was the price. They were priced at $10, which is fabulous since these shoes run about $100 in the stores. So I bought them.

Unfortunately these had a break-in period prior to becoming my most favorite shoes. Once they are broken in they are perfect. But until that point, my heels pay in flesh. I try to get shoes that are good fits and cool looking now since I'm sure the chronological age of my heels are about 30 years older than the rest of my body.

The docs are getting old and worn now with their shine not so shiny anymore. They are in good company with other cheap finds like my outlet store Birka Birkenstocks, my red Kenneth Cole Reaction shoes from Shoe Pavilion and my latest find the crocus Eccos from Sierra Trading Post. The joys of inexpensive shoes to obsess over are boundless. I have actually found myself looking at my shoes while waiting in line at the market or in long meetings and thinking in my head how spiffy my feet look with them on.

Other shoes were spurge purchases. Often these were well thought out and anguished over prior to purchase. I would visit them periodically to see if it pulled on my heartstrings as strongly as the first. It may be love at first sight, but often my more practical wallet will ix-nay the purchase after a few weeks.
My Clark Clogs were bought at full retail after a few weeks of debate. Sneakers also seem to be bought at a higher price since they get so much wear. My younger brother Bill in a fit of wisdom beyond his years (he was 25 when he shared this with me) once said that you spend one third of your life on your feet and another third in your bed, so you should expect to spend more for your shoes and your mattress.

It was with this thought in my head years later that I splurged on a pair of black leather Italian shoes. It was in November 2000 and I was at Shoe Pavilion a week or so before my birthday wandering up and down the aisles. I was wasting time and trying to use some retail therapy to get through the fear and panic that Becky wasn't going to get the liver she needed and might die. I knew these shoes were something special when I touched them. They were soft and smooth and I couldn't stop fondling them. I found a pair in my size and tried them on. They fit nicely and looked sharp, and sooo soft. I looked at the price, 60 dollars, on the high side for Shoe Pavilion. I put them in their box and walked around with them. By the time I reached the counter I knew that we were meant to be together.

Do you have a special pair in your life?

anticipation

2003-06-04T22:38:00.000-07:00

I've got this overwhelming sense of anticipation coursing through me lately. I'm not sure what's up with that but I'm not worried. I keep waiting for it to pass, like gas or nausea, but it's been around for atleast a week or two and I'm just rounding eagerly antipation and heading toward being really annoyed.

Y'see it's not like I have concert tickets or a big trip scheduled. In fact I don't have anything specific planned. Okay, there *is* a garage sale in July, but I'm pretty darn sure all this excitement isn't about me unloading some old tupperware, computer parts and coffee mugs. I'm trying to relax into it. It's like when you misplace your keys, run around frantically looking for them, retracing your steps and still don't find them. In a moment of desperation, right before you call the office to tell them you'll be late, you go for the zen approach - take a deep breath - and pretend that you aren't looking for them anymore. Following the believe that things will appear when you stop looking for them. That's where I am right now.

Damn! I'm still annoyed. Okay so I've been getting things in order, y'know so that I'll be ready for whatever is coming my way. (ooh, maybe I will win Super lotto. Wouldn't that be cool?) So anyway, I've pulled out the few boxes still hanging around and I've sorted and discarded a bunch of papers. I did get those sweet little tomato plants into their containers. I rescheduled the dentist appointment that I missed when I was too distracted by my trip to New York to see my mom. I made an appointment to get my eyes checked, my radiator flushed and squeeky brakes replaced. (The last two were for my car not me. Sheesh!). Things are right on track. Yessiree.

*sigh* okay at some point I'll be all organized and it's a district possibility that this sense of anticipation will just slink away without making a grand appearance. There is nothing good to watch on TV and once I finish the last few books on my reading pile I'm going to be bored.

So this is your chance to come up with some great distractions for me. What movies should I be renting from Netflix? I actually watched large chunks of Monster House, Monster Garage and American Chopper last Monday night, so you've got to help me out here. What books should I be reading and for those SF Bay Area people, what things should I be doing?

To-mah-toes

2003-05-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah all day I've been thinking about my tomato plants sitting in the backyard. After excessive research and several trips to 3 disappointing and 1 great nursery, I have two plants waiting for me to come home with some dirt to plant them in their attractive and spacious containers. My reputation for having a black thumb has come after years and years of herbicide (or whatever the fancy name is for killing green things). It's one of the things that seems to set me apart from the rest of my family. I'm the only left handed person in my immediate family and I'm the one Mom used to give plants when all she really wanted was the pot back for something else. I don't know if the two characteristics are linked, but it seems the most obvious.

In any case I have managed to keep three houseplants alive and mostly happy for atleast 3 years now. Last Autumn I managed to get a bunch of farmers' market basil to stay alive for over 2 months. If I had left my roommates with orders to keep the glass filled with water it might still be alive today! So with this encouragement, I am going forth with hopes of yummy tomatoes all summer long.

Whatcha got growin' in your garden?

Memorial Day

2003-05-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe how fast this year has just flown by. I was down in Southern California visiting Cat and taking advantage of a luxurious three day weekend. It was fun even though it wasn't as sunny as most people might think. We shopped, saw a movie, had a retail therapy session or two and mostly relaxed. I was able to take advantage of the long drive (without too much traffic I might add) to reflect a bit upon what had come before.

It was just over a year ago, I was packing up my life and stuffing it into two 7x7 containers sitting in the driveway. I'm amazed that I was as together as I appeared given the general mess that I was in at that time. The ex had moved out on Saturday while I met with the couple I was to be house-sitting for on the next block. I got back and organized things and moved box after box from the top floor of the house down to the main level. The next day Cat came to help me pack things up in a way that makes me wish that everyone could have a Virgo like her in their lives.

I still remember about halfway though the packing, I was carrying things out the back door down to the driveway and in my mind had determined that there was no way all of my stuff was going to fit. As I walked back into the house, I eyed my remaining belongings to determine who wasn't going to be going with me and how I was going to get rid of them. Cat reassured me that it would all fit and it did. Amazingly we crammed those suckers full. I remember stifling a laugh as the guy from the storage place had to put down the extra supports on the little forklift they use to get the containers on the flatbed truck. My boxes were that heavy. He smiled as I joked about him being careful with my brick collection. Yeah, he'd probably heard that before.

Aside from the packing there was the added bonus of taking Cat out for her first pupusas at El Zocalo and a long soak at Osento. I ended up having extra time at the house since the house-sitting job was delayed as they dealt with a few last minute problems. This delayed me getting my critical stuff out of the house and over to the new place in time to clean the house with my ex.

By the way, this is a bad idea. Really of the worst kind. Nothing good will come of it and you are far better off spending good money that you probably can't afford to pay someone to come and clean the house.

So as you may have already surmised, we had the worst fight of our relationship. A bitter, nasty fight. We had a minor point of resolution and sad agreement that neither of us wanted it to end like this. Aside from tying up a few loose ends I didn't speak to her for about a year. And the worst part was - no makeup sex. There was no making up. Nope, just me and the damn inflatabed that I kept having to bring out to the car to re-inflate every couple of weeks because I bought the bed with the car adapter, not the AC adapter.

But that all happened so long ago. In my head things are so much different. I know Memorial Day is all about remembering and not forgetting what came before. Sure they really mean soldiers fighting the good fight. But in our own ways aren't we also soldiers? We have our causes, our orders, things we do out of honor and pride. Things don't always come out like we'd wish and in any conflict there is always loss. What we take away from it is our lesson and our history. Do we learn from it and move on trying to do better next time? I sure hope so.

Change is good

2003-05-14T00:17:00.000-07:00

I have descended into the latest form of geekitude. Yep, I finally went and loaded Movable Type onto the domain that I acquired last Fall and with a minimal amount of fuss I got the system loaded up. I've been porting over old entries from diary-x. It was very good to me for the last year or so. A simple place for me to dump my thoughts out for free. If you are thinking about doing something like this, I can highly recommend the site. In addition to simple easy to use journaling, it also allows you to lock your journal if you decide that you are a little too shy to bare it all to anyone that stumbles across your site.

In reality, very few people will notice unless you are a train-wreck of a person. Everyone loves a good train wreck. Interestingly enough many of the people who read this either know me already (you're the reason I'm writing here, why don't you ever write or call me damn it!?) or somehow wandered over as a result of meeting me at Journalcon 2002 (hey nice to see you still hanging around). I'm debating about going to Journalcon 2003. For one, it's not in my home town so I'd have to travel to Austin, TX this year. I am still mulling it over, because it would be fun to see people again. Plus I always seem to get the urge to write more here. So send encouragement.

Don't be surprised if things keep changing here. I'm tweaking this and that as I go along. It'll be like a bunch of little surprises. I especially like the fact that I control the notify list and while Notfylist.com has been good about keeping things advertisement free, how long could that last? All you notify list people will be ported over 'specially. If you've been wondering what you've been missing, go and sign up now. I send you a message whenever I manage to write something and I have no idea why some of you haven't gotten on board. It's not like I'm a stat slut looking for page hits (hmm that sounds a little kinky) and you could be doing other things like buying books for Oakland (I'm so *not* going to turn in my Oakland Library card now knowing all the great books I can get at a bunch of the branches. I have no idea how Piedmont is going to cram all those new books into their tiny little building. )

Okay enough nagging, do what you want, I'm already accustomed to your stubbornness. Sheesh!

A May Day

2003-05-08T16:38:00.000-07:00

I’ve spent the past few days with my mom (and dad too). While I’ve been busy doing various things, most of it is spending time with Mom. For those of you wondering, she’s doing fine and in good spirits. I’ve been doing my best fattening her up a bit before she begins her first round of chemotherapy. She’s been busy doing normal things; getting plants out of the house for Spring, un-childproofing the house after all the grandkids came to visit the last few weeks, cleaning and straightening things up and doing things to increase her endurance. She is back to her daily walks and working a little. Luckily for me she’s been slowed down by her post-op recovery so that I can keep up with her daily walks in the Donald M. Kendall Sculpture Gardens at Pepsico.

I’ve been helping her by carrying stuff she can’t (or shouldn’t) carry yet, being her lilac-gathering cohort (much tougher than it sounds, really!), finishing the necklace I was supposed to send her for her birthday last February, messing up her cable reception when Bill and I put in her air conditioner and the subsequent and accidental correction of aforementioned reception. The biggest task I’ve completed to date was hooking up the receiver my brother sent her for mother’s day. I will use this forum to bitch about the dust I battled, the nasty sticky wires I cleaned and ended up splicing and running through her behemoth entertainment center. Because I have every intention of not going back there for a while (yeah Mom, no home entertainment from me this year) I dusted and tidied up the place when I was done. Yep, I even picked up those little bits of wire insulation when I stripped and spliced the right speaker wires that some woodland creature gnawed through. (Could have been a mouse, but it might have been the squirrel that got trapped in the house when Mom and Dad were on vacation last year).

In any case, Mom has music in the house again that doesn’t require the exclusive use of a clock radio, two working speakers in both the living room and kitchen and FM *and*AM reception. The AM reception is important because the folks listen to 710 WOR religiously on Sunday mornings. Of particular note was Ralph Snodsmith of the Garden Hotline. I actually listened to it for a good portion on the 2 hour program and found it interesting. Unfortunately I don’t know how much use it will be for me, since my black thumb gets me into a lot of trouble, I will attempt to grow a tomato plant or two if I can find an interesting determined growth plant. (Doesn’t that sound almost impressive?) The other place the AM radio is used is in the car. Seems Dad doesn’t really like Mom’s music (Pink Floyd, Creed, Poe, Smashing Pumpkins - you get the idea) and Mom hates Dad’s music (classic country) so talk radio is a safe and marriage-preserving option.

I’ve had all sorts of journal thoughts running through my head. I’ve noticed that things here have changed to the point that I don’t recognize some places anymore. I’ve also noticed that other things haven’t changed one bit. It’s like it was frozen in time while the rest of us moved on. I want to go back and photograph things that seem very much like home and very much not like California. If I do, I’ll post some here.

I’ve noticed that my life often seems extraordinarily boring. Not that it seems that way to me most of the time. I fill my days with going to work, to the gym, running basic errands, keeping touch with friends and occasionally doing something interesting. But even that ‘something interesting’ ends up being something like going to the movies, discovering a new neat place to hang out or dine out. Most of the interesting things I talk about are interesting things that happen to other people. Oddly I’m not at all upset about this. It is mildly distressing when I feel the need to come up with an interesting journal entry. But don’t worry that I’m losing sleep over it. I’m not.

The one thing that hangs as the most important thing that I’ve done this week is just listen. This can be a challenging thing as anyone who has spent time with me and tried to get a word in edgewise knows. While I would hope it was helpful for Mom, I can say it was good for me because the main reason why I flew 3000 miles was to hear about what was on her mind. And that’s what I got.

Tell me what’s going on with you.

Knowing the Unknown

2003-04-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

Big things have been happening in my life of late that challenge the idea of knowing or dealing with the unknown. The biggest one is that my mother has cancer. Ovarian cancer. I learned this a few weeks ago and after spending a day or so in a complete state of denial, I realized that not only is it real but it is happening to my mom. Since there were so many unknowns it was especially hard to wrap my mind around what this news really meant. After a week of this, she went in for surgery for the debulking procedure, the first step of her treatment. It seemed to go well and next week is her first appointment with her Oncologist to decide on the next step. I’ll be going home next weekend and hope that the not knowing will diminish through the week. I talk to mom regularly and she seems to be in good spirits. It helps with the worrying, but not enough. There are still too many questions that no one can answer. The combination of worry, fear, frustration is powerful. I knew that I’d have to deal with something like this some day; I just didn’t realize it would be happening so soon.

I figured that keeping up with the bad economy and keeping my job would be my biggest worry. So the news above has cut the additional worry that I may get laid off or “bumped” from my position. I really do like what I do. It’s still managing a computer help desk, something I’ve done for the past 9 years. I enjoy the people I support and the people I work with in my department. It’s not a high stress environment but we still have lots to do. I can put in a 40 hour work week and know that I’m doing good work that people appreciate and that makes a difference to my customers so that they can support their clients better. Sounds good, eh? Well the budget needs to be balanced and being a civil servant, that means that new people with less seniority are at risk if they end up reducing the deficit with our positions. The unknown comes in now. Our union contracts are up for negotiation. How bad the budget is might be exaggerated to get the unions to take less at the bargaining table. Or if it is really as bad as they say, I might get bumped by someone in my classification who has more seniority than I, even if they don’t have the skills to do my job. Or I might have to supervise someone who bumps one of my staff. (Really the least of my problems but a potential headache of the worst type – the type that lasts until that person retires.) How all this happens is decided by a complicated set of rules.

And as you might imagine I got both sets of bad news at around the same time. I’m fairly resigned about my job. There is only so much I can do. I have gone back to living as if I’m already unemployed in an effort to build up a little bit of a nest egg. In a moment of panic I started scanning the job boards, but soon realized that’s just adding fuel to the fire. My boss has been especially good about telling us what is happening and how we might be affected. While it’s lousy news to deliver, it’s good that we are talking about it openly. The rumor mill can demoralize anyone with the bad news, so I appreciate the effort he is making to stay on top of things as best he can.

I’ve been talking about this stuff a lot to various friends and family which help me more that I would have thought. One friend told me I seemed especially stoic considering the news. I assured her that it was just that I had reached a state of acceptance, realizing that I can’t possibly know the unknown and to get all crazy about it would make me crazy. Once I get past my most obvious issues, I found that things were going pretty well for me. I can deal with the job, I’ve been through worse and I have a better support network now than I did a year or two ago. I will do the best I can getting through my mom’s cancer. I plan on being as supportive as I can for her and know that I’ve got a great support behind me so that no one gets to go through this alone.

How are things going for you? Can I send you a hug?

Fine art of solo movie viewing

2003-04-18T16:53:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I was troubled by a few things and was finding it hard to focus on anything. Ordinarily I might have found a close friend to spend some time with, but wasn’t feeling particularly talkative, so I decided that the best thing to do was escape to the movies. It was perfect movie weather, a grey rainy day, so I went to a local theatre and found something to see.

I’ve noticed that some people have a hard time going to the movies by themselves. This seems to fall into a self-conscious category that keeps those same people from feeling comfortable changing in a locker room. I know it can be tough, but it’s worth working past this.

So back to the theatre, it really doesn’t matter what you see. The only rule is that you have to pick something that you want to see. Yes, since you are seeing the movie by yourself, you don’t have to negotiate which movie you get to see. Or if there is a movie you saw once and just have to see again, here is your opportunity to do so without anyone else busting your chops about wanting to see that stupid movie twice. I should also mention that you can get whatever snacks you want. Popcorn with butter or without, candy no one likes but you, or if you are feeling particularly decadent, go and sneak in food from outside. My mom, a big movie watcher would drive other people crazy when she would sneak in chicken wings from Roy Rodgers. In the days before you could get a meal at the movies, bringing in fast food, Chinese food or if you are really good, pizza was great. You get to eat what you want and while throwing off the other patrons trying to figure out what that great smell is.

Okay, so you’ve picked your movie and you’ve gotten your snacks. Now you get to pick the seat you want. If it happens to be a full theater, there are always single seats available without having to sit in the first two rows. Once you get comfortable you might have enough time to get in some people watching. Without a companion to distract you, you can listen to all the conversations around you without distractions. It’s like the pre-show entertainment.

At some point the lights will go down. When the movie sucks you in you can just go with the flow. No one is going to talk to you or nudge you to pass the Jujube’s and distract you from the dialogue. And after the movie is over as you make your way home, you can think about the movie, the characters without having someone distract you with questions about running errands or what to do next.

Sure, sure, there are equally strong arguments for going to the movies with someone but there is nothing that beats this special sort of escapist treat than going to the movies by yourself.

What’s your favorite thing to do by yourself?

Power of Thought and Roller Coaster Rides

2003-04-04T10:56:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought about something and had that thought manifest itself into something real and tangible in your life? Sure it sounds flaky, but it’s amazing to think (even if it’s just for a moment) that you created it by the power of thought.

So what was I thinking about? I had been thinking about how life is like a roller coaster ride. It’s got ups and downs that are both exciting and scary at the same time. Where things happen so fast that you can barely react or so slow the anticipation is driving you crazy. The other night I was driving home after getting my haircut. The wind was blowing hard and there was a slight nip in the air. It was only 7ish but the sky was really dark as I started up the hill where I live. The fog and clouds, in contrast, were crisp and white reflecting the lights from below. And they were blowing by so fast I thought that I was in some surreal time-lapse movie. I was at the top of my street at this point and found myself looking at the views of downtown to the north and the valley to the west. It was like being at the first crest of a roller coaster ride. So I decided to keep driving going down the steep decline in front, then a quick turn to the right and a short dip before rising again.

There weren’t a whole lot of cars out so I drove around for a little longer pausing at each crest and thinking how cool it would be to design roller coaster rides on the streets of San Francisco. I enjoy how going over a steep crest and down the hill below still catches in my throat. Finding the right combinations of ups and downs and turns would be cool, especially since they would also have some nice views.

I remembered when I first moved here, I thought the hills were fun and took advantage of my Mom’s fear of heights, seeking out the steepest grades, as we explored this new city. Eventually I started fretting over the hills and how I was overworking my clutch (and clutch leg). I thought to find the routes that were less hilly and safer.

A lot of things have happened since I first moved here. You can’t really avoid the roller coaster effect in your life. It’s going to happen no matter how safe you play things, so perhaps it makes sense to try to have a little fun along the way.

What sort of amusement park ride does your life most resemble?

Remember me?

2003-03-27T16:26:00.000-08:00

Remember me? I bet some of you are glad you joined my notify list.

Things have been going well. I’ve finished moving into my new place. I still have things to unpack since I seem to have problems getting focused on unpacking. At my last apartment there were at least 4 boxes unpacked in one corner the entire 7 months I was there. I am determined to unpack as many boxes as possible to give myself a more permanent feeling at this house.

I must say that I love this new house. It’s not perfect, but there are so many nice things about it. I like my space, my room and for the most part how it seems to be set up. I feel so much less cramped here, with my TV and stereo in the living room. There are these great pocket doors between my room and the living room. My bedroom is a little dark for my tastes. I’d like to have the morning light (whatever light I can get) in my bedroom as a natural alarm clock, but the design of the room doesn’t really allow for that. So I open the pocket doors during my waking hours to give me more light and to open up the space.

I’m working on getting a new routine down. I’m trying to take the bus from home on my non-gym mornings. It was interesting waiting for the home-bound bus last week with dozens of war protesters marching about. Not exactly the sort of thing I would have encountered on my old commute.

I haven’t figured out where I will put my painting table yet. I’m leaning toward putting it in front of my one bedroom window so that I can get indirect natural light. I’m going to have to measure the top of the drafting table to see if I can get away with that much space in the bedroom though.

Ah, see this is a perfect example of the analytical thought stream that I’ve been in lately. I’ve been making lots of lists to keep up with all the things I want to do. I didn’t actually write ‘Post a Journal Entry’ on my list, so I don’t feel that I’ve gone too far. Yet.

I’ve been volunteering my time once or twice a week, preparing taxes for low income individuals and families. It’s enjoyable, but it takes away a chunk of time smack dab in the middle of my Saturday! I realize now that this would probably make my ex laugh since every year I would whine about having her help me with my taxes. And now I’m doing it for other people in my spare time? Hilarious.

I spent time with my old High School friend, Chris this weekend. He has the most adorable Border/Shetland Collie mix. She’s keeping him on his toes and I hope her sweet temperament will be a good thing for him. I can say it was a good thing for me. I keep thinking that a pet would be cool if I had the time and energy to take care of it. I know that’s not today. I had been thinking of finding a place to live that already had an house pet, but it obviously wasn’t a high priority.

Tell me why I need to post more frequently.

Driving Thought

2003-03-03T17:52:00.000-08:00

I know I promised to write more last month and here I am again, doing what appears to be a monthly report again. Really I mean to write more. I start stuff in my head, but for some reason it never gets typed out and posted for you to see. But I’ve managed to figure out what the cause is. This past Summer when I was writing up a storm (more or less), I was driving at least 30 minutes a day. I seem to do a lot of thinking when I drive. On the 20th when I was off I managed to run enough errands to give me a few journal ideas. These days I spend a lot of time riding Muni buses into the Mission to get home. The people watching opportunities are too great to get lost in my own thoughts. So I'll try to drive more and post more, but no promises okay? Send me your ideas about where you do your thinking that I can use for inspiration.

I have been busy doing all sorts of things lately. This past weekend a friend got handfasted and I was one of her attendants, the Wench of the East. I have a great outfit that I will wear again, even if it’s just for Halloween. Not everyone can admit that. Plus there is the added bonus of the fact that my co-wench and I managed to sew our own skirts which looked pretty darned good.

I’ve also been doing a bunch of free-lance work fixing computers and in some instances getting paid for it. I enjoy being able to help people with things that are easy for me and getting money for it is especially nice. Also this is good since I’m less inclined to screw around with my own computer, so for a change everything I own works fine.

I’m going to take a bookmaking class this month. Please don’t send me information on the hazards of illegal gambling. I’m not making those sorts of books. There is a place called San Francisco Center for the Book and I’m going to take some classes. It’s not painting, which I still miss doing, but it is something I’m interested in doing and will distract me in a creative way for a little while.

In addition to this fun stuff for me, I’m certified to complete basic tax returns. Through work I am volunteering time on Saturdays through April 15th to prepare tax returns for the working poor. Not only do I get to feel good about helping people who don’t have a lot of money to start with, get back money from Uncle Sam, I also will be building up comp time which will allow me some needed time off.

I’m starting to look for a new place to live this month too, so you can be sure that getting more entries here will continue to be tough. But hang in there and join the notify list to get email from me when I manage to get something new online.

Hey write me back, what are *you* up to??

Getting some focus

2002-12-26T16:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, I’ve been slacking in so many different ways it’s not funny. Well maybe it’ll be funny at some point later on, remind me and we’ll laugh together. It’s not that I’m not functioning at all, just not operating at a high level of efficiency. I’ve been getting up later in the morning and rushing down to Burlingame. While I’m there, I’m getting things accomplished, but not really engaged in the tasks I’m doing. Either they are things I just don’t enjoy doing, like screening someone else’s calls, or things that are a bit tedious, like transcribing notes or determining why a Windows 98 machine doesn’t shut down cleanly. I bite my tongue because it wasn’t that long ago I was still using Windows 98, but the inner geek in me is saying, “Windows 98? That is SO last millennium!”

Then I’ll go home and cook dinner, which typically is a healthy mix of meat and veggies. Then run errands and catch up on email, bills or hang out with my housemates. I’m trying to clean up after myself which seems to take a lot of time some days. Then there is organizing and getting things ready for the move or working on my job search.

In any case, I’ve been lazy about getting to the gym regularly. I understand that if I went to the gym regularly I would be a nice little boost that would make it easier to get to the gym regularly. But you can see that getting started is the problem here. I’ve gotten myself organized enough to plan my big storage move for tomorrow. I’ve enlisted the help of a couple of friends, rented a truck, made an appointment to view my containers and with any luck will be able to appreciate the cooler weather that we’ve been promised. I’ve even gone to the bank to get some cash should I need to enlist some day-worker assistance. I’m feeling rather good that everything is in line.

I do need to remember to send my niece’s birthday gift. Wouldn’t want to be the lame aunt who can’t get her ass to the post office. But worse comes to worse I can do that on Saturday. At her age, it’s not so bad to have something new show up a day or so later, just to avoid the ‘so many new things and not enough time to play with everything’ syndrome. In any case I wish that I could have been there to wish her a happy 4th birthday in person. Happy Birthday Kaitie!!

Once I move my stuff, I don’t have any other huge projects looming, so I’ll be devoting more time to finding a job that fits me better and taking time to brush up on my skills. I recognize how easily distracted I am and how I really enjoy being able to pursue any little thing that catches my eye. I suspect this is the leading cause for my overall lack of focus and it’s going to end.

Really.

My plan is to actually list the things I want to do or accomplish and write them down. Some of them are serious like getting my weight to a healthier level or finding a job that I enjoy doing and others are more fun, like buying gifts for my nieces who were considerately born later in the year than their parents. Yes, I know you’re thinking about something you once read that proves that written goals are more likely to be achieved than ones you keep in your head. I’ve read that too.

But wait… there’s more! Now that I’ve written these buggers down I print it out and refer to the list the next time I decide I’m going to do something. Is this something that will help me achieve one or more of my goals? Well, great, go right ahead. If not, then that’ll be a personal decision that I’ll have to address. Oh sure, I’ll still get distracted and goof around. But perhaps I’ll be able to start working toward some of these things I really want to do.

So I’m curious what do you do to get and keep yourself focused?

Has it been that long?

2002-12-17T15:33:00.000-08:00

I’ve started a number of entries. About 3 of them, but never managed to finish them up. Have I been busy? Yes, somewhat, but not. I think I’ve been more preoccupied and not capable of putting more than a few meaningful words together at a time. So what sorts of things have I been preoccupied with?

Well I was preoccupied with finding a new place to live for a while. I’ve had a general dissatisfaction with my living situation. I’m tired of the drunks hanging out in front of the house. I’m really tired of the trash and the ever-constant stench of urine just walking from the corner to my house. I actually jaywalk most of the time to avoid this as much as possible. I wish there was more space in the apartment for things that belong to Pab and myself. A couple of weekends ago, we moved Pablito’s TV into the living room so that he could work on the computer and watch the football game. While I thought having a TV-less living room was a great idea, it would be better to have a place where we actually all hang out. I don’t have enough company come over to use it as the parlor it was meant to be. I realize that Donna’s stuff is all over and Pab and I keep our things in our rooms only, which gives me the feeling that I’m just living in someone else’s home and not my own. Since I came into this living situation knowing that this is how it is, I mostly accepted it.

I am doing some work on the side, which is good because extra money is helpful right now. Also this is one of the two surveys that I did a lot of work on earlier this summer, so I like the idea of getting closure. I’ve been spending a lot of time redoing the graphics in the report (tables and graphs mostly) and it is mindless and easy enough to do. On the negative side, I’ve been staying up too late working on this stuff so it’s been incredibly hard to get out of bed in time to get to the gym on a regular basis. I went today and realize how much I miss it.

I didn’t miss it too too much since I caught a really good cold while I was back East for Thanksgiving and I’m just about over it. I think it’s a bad idea to be coughing and hacking on the equipment. So I purposefully took a week off to take care of the cold. I’m happy that it’s managed to run its course without turning into a sinus infection or a nasty cough.

I think I got the cold from one of my four nieces. I saw all four of them during the Thanksgiving weekend. I took advantage of the four day weekend to fly back to New York and had a really good time. It was anything but restful. I flew in Thanksgiving day and after kisses hello, we sat down and ate (yes, they waited for me, isn’t that sweet?). Lots of chatting and playing and then everyone was off to bed. I slept on the wobbly living room couch and had strange earthquake dreams. I slept well and hung around while the kids went to get a group picture taken. We hung around a little more and waited for Mom to be done with work so we could load 16 people (friends and family) into 4 cars and caravan 3+ hours north to the Baptism Event. It started to snow Friday morning, so there was the additional tension of driving north into bad weather. But everyone arrived safe and sound. Anne’s Mom prepared a huge meal, which is impressive considering that yesterday was Thanksgiving.
We ate loads of yummy meat that came from her sister Donna’s critters (she raises farm animals for fun). The lamb was to die for and the ham and pork pie from Cedric the pig was wonderful. Of course I’d eaten more meat in one weekend than I might eat in a month, so I wasn’t surprised that I had some serious veggie cravings when I got back home. The next day I took a walk to the local bakery with my cousin, Karen. We figured that it would be better to walk off some of the yummy food we had eaten. It was great having time to chat with her and catch up on things since it is often hard to find time when we are both at home and awake to talk.

Lots of time playing with the kids, then off to church (where I was pleased to see that I still remember the mass, even in my severely lapsed state) for mass and the baptism. More cousins arrived just in time for the baptism and then we all took off for dinner. After a great dinner we drove back since I had a 6:30am flight the next morning. On the way back I drove with my friend Anthony. I was glad for the time to catch up on what has been happening in each other’s lives.

I’ve had a good amount of alone time along with a good amount of time with friends, so I am feeling balanced in that part of my life. Saw yet another great Viva Variety last week and got to catch up with Jay and Danny. Played out in the storms this past weekend with Esther. She lost her power for a few days which kinda sucks for her. Me? I got to go home to my power to finish up the work I needed to do before Monday.

Now I’m trying to finish up my holiday shopping, although I have already decided that Christmas isn’t a realistic deadline given the fact that so much stuff needs to be shipped. I’m aiming more for Twelfth night (that is 12 days after Christmas or January 6) so I can still be festive and perhaps less stressed. We’ll see right? Holiday parties and plans are in the works.

What are you doing this holiday season?

Birthdays don’t stress me out

2002-11-19T17:40:00.000-08:00

So this year’s birthday was unusually stress-free. I went to the gym in the morning, trying to get back into going in the morning. The guy that is usually there took my number and noticed that it was my birthday and wished me a happy birthday. So sometimes it is good that they have that sort of information, because it was a great way to start my day.

I will freely admit that I don’t think I got more than an hour worth of work done that day considering that it was a Tuesday. I had a meeting, our section had a Harvest Potluck around lunchtime and then we went to an Employee Appreciation Ceremony in the afternoon. I got cards and calls throughout the day, which I enjoyed. Thanks!

After work, I went up to Marin, chatted with my Mom as I drove (with a headset for safety) and went to dinner with Esther. We had yummy sushi and I got to pick up some cell phone accessories from her that I had ordered. So there were gifts all around.

I didn’t feel any older, although I have been putting my new age into the elliptical trainer because I thought that 36 might give me a little extra slack with the built-in heart rate monitor. The only place where I am fighting the signs of aging is my regular hair dying routine. Otherwise I’m okay with being 36 this year and 37 the next. Wow, that looks kinda old now that I’ve typed it up there. I suppose I didn’t really have any idea of what it was supposed to be like at this age. It should be interesting figuring that out.

Cat will be out this weekend and there will be continued birthday happiness. Since I didn’t do a cake yet this year, we might get cake and do a Sunday celebration. It reminds me of the Bill Cosby routine where he lets his kids have cake for breakfast and when they get caught by their Mom they turn on him, even though just moments ago they were singing his praises. So feel free to join me wherever you are. Get some cake and have it for breakfast Sunday morning, it’ll be fun. Plus think of all the stuff you could accomplish with a good sugar rush.

What kind of cake did you eat?

Early Bird??

2002-11-13T22:06:00.000-08:00

Yup yup, remember that plan I talked about just days ago? Well, I’ve actually executed said plan and I think that it might be my new Plan. Yes, The Plan. Okay don’t go back to look, I’ll just remind you, I was going to wake up really early and drive my car to the gym, then after working out, take the bus to work (2 buses actually) and then reverse the plan (although not going back into the gym unless the mood strikes) on the way home. So I woke up at 5 am as planned on Tuesday morning. I got to bed at a reasonable time and just got up when the alarm went off, brushed my teeth, pulled on the clothes that I had set out, grabbed my bag of work clothes, also set out the night before, went to the kitchen and grabbed my breakfast and lunch for the day (also pre-made the night before) and took off for the gym.

You can see that being awake isn’t an actual requirement for this plan. I got to the gym in about 10 minutes, which was great since I somehow thought it would take longer. I looked about for a spot that I liked, parked and executed the Plan perfectly. I was so impressed with myself. I knew that this plan was brilliant and actually easy.

I decided that I wouldn’t call it perfect until I got home, but I was already writing this journal entry on the bus ride home, because I couldn’t wait to tell you about it. That is until I lost my car. I walked to where I swore I parked it. It was about halfway down the street but not past the garbage dumpsters. Hmmm. I could have sworn it was right about here, but yet it wasn’t. I wondered if I somehow managed to overlook a sign that limited how long you could park there. No. I’ve parked all day here before when I worked for the software company. I walked down and then back up to the corner, because I did drive here *really* early and I might have been dreaming that I parked here. Boy would I be pissed if someone towed my car away. I started walking back to the front of the gym and realized that it was extremely unlikely that someone had my car towed away. What was more reasonable was that it was stolen. Yep. I stopped and thought about it and it just made more sense. Why not, it was an easy target and wouldn’t that just be the best way to end my relationship with this car whose praises I sang in this very journal. I decided right then and there that I would not fall for the allure of a convertible again and I would get a replacement that was sensible.

By this point, I had reached the corner and was about to go in when I realized that I didn’t park on that side of the gym. I pulled up and stopped in the original spot and then pulled out and parked on the other side when I realized that it wasn’t Monday and I could park on the side closer to the bus stop and not get a parking ticket. Yes, and there she was, sitting with her sad grey duct tape bandages. I actually felt a little bad as I approached the car. I mean, I had already decided on her replacement. I didn’t say anything as I got in and drove home, stopping at the supermarket to pick up something easy yet healthy to eat. I just couldn’t see cooking after all the emotional drama.

Today I did the plan again and was more thoughtful in my parking place. Nothing went astray, although it was a little rough after working out my shoulders and back to stand on the bus holding on while the Muni driver did his little airbrake dance (start, stop, stop stop, surge, stop, surge surge surge, STOP, …). For four long blocks. Next time I’ll just walk.

Tonight I got a spot in front of the house and I’ll be taking the bus both ways. Yeah, check me out, taking the bus everywhere. I haven’t felt this public transportation saavy since I was in high school and to young to drive where I wanted to go.

It’s the little victories that are the best, right? Tell me about your latest little victory.

Play day

2002-11-11T22:11:00.000-08:00

I was off today. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have to work on Veteran’s Day. Actually the last time I had it off, I’m sure that I was in school. Earlier this weekend, I had a huge list of things I needed to do today, but through good planning or perhaps just good luck, the list was a lot shorter when I woke up this morning so I slept in.

This weekend I did a bunch of errands, I did *not* clean my room and I did go out and enjoy yummy Moroccan food with Di, her hubby and a few friends. Sunday I got to see a few of the people again as we went to see The Importance of Being Earnest at the Pardee Home in Oakland. I will rave a bit about the troupe that performed this. The group is called Woman's Will and is an all-female Shakespeare company. I first saw them perform Shakespeare's Pericles, Prince of Tyre back in July on Di's Birthday. If you live in the Bay Area find out what they are performing and then go see them. Seriously. This play is running through early December. I had never seen this play before and am glad to have experienced it live rather than in a movie theatre. It was performed salon style. What that means is basically we were in an old historic house sitting in the living room and sitting room while actors dressed in appropriate period costume acted feet if not inches in front of us. And they were good. And funny. I had a hard time laughing because I was afraid I'd disturb their concentration or make them smile inapppropriately. Well I soon realized that they could handle this as they were professionals and I laughed out loud or quietly snickered for much of the performance. The actors were all very good and I've got a serious crush on the actor who played Algernon. I suspect it's in situations like this where being bi makes it easier for me than for others who might find themselves confused by their attraction to a male character being played by a woman. The part that I loved was that I so wanted a cup of tea and a cucumber sandwich that the actors were enjoying. Imagine my thrill of having intermission be announced by the butler by informing us that tea was being served in the dining room!

Okay, back to my morning. For some odd reason we had lost power at some point (no storms or any reasonable cause) so I woke to hear my phone and printer beeping and burbling as they got juiced back up again. Then I went back to sleep. But don’t think I was slacking folks. Nope, that was actually on my list. I hung out in my little nest and listened to my housemates bustling about the house getting ready for work. I got out of bed around 9 and got out of the house by 10. I filled my car up with odd bits of things to put into storage (my snow brush, a bent trim cap for my car I’m saving so that I can replace it at some point, some extra shelves, bedding and such) and brought that over. Then I took a leisurely drive over to 19th street to pick up some dim sum for lunch. It was a gorgeous day so I decided that I should eat at the beach and did. Then I went to the Balboa Theatre to see a double feature Secretary and White Oleander. Neither had great reviews but I’d read about both of them and thought that for 2.50 a piece they’d be entertaining enough. And they were. I won’t get into spoiler details here, in case you were thinking about seeing these movies. If you want to chat about them, you’ll have to send me email. I was really annoyed with the people who were behind me during The Secretary. They were obnoxiously loud and their comments made it obvious that they didn’t get the characters at all. I’d hate to sit next to them at a David Lynch movie. I had read White Oleander before I saw the movie. They did leave out a lot of the book, as usual, but I liked the actors they cast in it. I also wondered if an artist needs to suffer in order for their work to have depth. In this movie there seemed to be a lot of suffering on the part of the characters that were artists.

After the movie I went to the market to pick up some critical items, came home and cooked dinner and prepared breakfast and lunch for tomorrow. You may have noticed that I didn’t mention going to the gym. It’s because I didn’t go. But I will be going tomorrow morning before work. I’ve laid out my clothes and gotten everything ready so there is no need to think until I actually arrive at work tomorrow morning. I’ve even worked out the time schedule for the buses I need to catch in order to get to work in time. The plan being to drive to the gym, take the bus to work and then take the bus back to my car and drive it home and park it. This way I move the car around more and can hopefully prevent it from looking tempting to people by leaving it in one place for too long. I am still looking for a secure parking spot. Then I’ll just take the bus unless I need the car for something. I figure that this plan will make it easier to get tot he gym regularly like I did early in the year. I just need to be more mindful the night before.

All in all, I had an enjoyable day. Lots of mindless distractions, a sunny lunch at the beach watching the waves and tourists go by, a couple of movies and a quiet evening at home.

What more could I ask for?

Influential Weather and Friends

2002-11-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

I’ve been battling a foul mood lately and think I may have figured out why. It has nothing to do with the fact that I discovered my convertible roof got slashed again the night it decides to release 6 months worth of pent-up rain. It wasn’t stoked by anxious thoughts wondering if the shipping tape I had would be able to keep the ever-constant rain from pouring in and soaking my seats. I parked under a tree y’know and that would deter a raindrop or two. Sure it’s a good reason to be in a pissy mood, but it hasn’t gone away yet even though I was able to bring it in and get it patched for free at the body shop that installed the new top.

I’m happy to be working, even with my worried undertones. (If you are thinking that you’ll try to reassure me, hold that thought for about this for about a year. I’ll be off of probation then and am likely to be more consolable. ) I’m feeling useful and starting to find my place. I’m going to start making appointments next week to meet business partners. It allows me to get some first hand experience learning what they really want from IT and not what we think they need. This is the sort of stuff I enjoy and I want people to feel like I might actually make a difference. I took a bunch of calls today during these bizarre power outages. I still need to learn how the various systems work, but no one noticed today. They were just happy to get someone to tell them what was going on.

So what’s responsible for these up and down moods? Okay I’ll just cut to the chase, the weather seems to be linked directly to my moods. Seriously. This isn’t like the time I thought that the A’s would win if I watched their games. Even though I had an 8 game streak. On the rainy days I lean toward surly and bitter. When it stops I start to brighten up and joke with co-workers or housemates. When the sun is out, things are brighter and lighter in my attitude.

But another outside influence is the company that I keep. I was thinking about my ex the other day and missing how she would be able to distract me from my own worries enough to realize that things weren’t so bad. But I’m really happy that I have some good friends in my life right now. It doesn’t seem to matter if we are just hanging out or doing something special, I feel like I can just be myself around them. This past week, Betty had Di and I over for a Buffy night. I cooked dinner in someone else’s kitchen as if it were my own, which is very cool. Last weekend Di and I made waffles and chatted on Saturday morning and the weekend before last, Esther brought me down to south city for a real philipino breakfast. I don’t know how I lived life before garlic rice and chopsilog. Of course I will be passing this neat bit of fun eating along to any other adventurous friends. I totally love the neat diversity of this city. I still think about how thankful I am that Cabala and Shavon were there to help me move. And I’m pleasantly surprised how cool my housemate Pablito is. I had gone into the kitchen to get some water from the fridge and he was cooking some food to bring to the big game last weekend. We got to chatting and next thing I know I was helping him chop up some veggies. He seems more easy going than our other housemate which seems to be what I need right now. The other day we got a note on the fridge asking us to finish up our monthly chores. My first reaction was not pretty, especially because I had planned on doing that night. Now I wanted to be rebellious (how dare she tell me what to do like we were children) and annoyed because I really wanted to clean that evening. I ended up cleaning because I suspected that I was making a big deal out of nothing and have every intention of sitting down with the offending housemate to tell her how I felt about the note.

If I was still living with the ex, I know that it would have bothered me more. Friends seem to diffuse things for me and help me keep life in proper perspective. They rock. I went to a political issues party to figure out what the hell I should be voting for. Granted we all seemed to bring sweet snacks to share and I blame the sugar, the visiting puppies and the extra long propositions list for some of the light-hearted wackiness that transpired that afternoon. I did feel more prepared for the 8 page ballot and knew what people were running and which issues were important to me.

Even the friends I hardly ever see are good for me. You are the ones who send me email or call me telling me what’s going on in your life or sharing your insight with me. I know we’ll be friends for a long while even though we are too busy or far away to do much more than regular email. This isn’t a cheap ploy to get you to write me, It’s a well thought-out scheme that should work. Plus I’ve got the added benefit of birthday guilt that should be hitting you soon. Don’t worry I’m sure that I’ll have birthday thoughts to post. I’ve been avoiding thinking about my birthday. Not that I dread getting older. I just tend to get a case of birthday blues and unless the weather shifts this could get bad. But we aren’t going there today.

Where did you go today and how’s your weather?