Thursday, January 20, 2005

Sad and complex thoughts

I haven't been updating in here much. I know some of you have commented on how you miss my thoughts and observations on life. I appreciate your gentle encouragement as it was meant and know that I miss hearing for you all as well. I would love to come up with a list of reasons and excuses.

Some of it was work getting so darn crazy. I love my work, but had been faced with a ton of obstacles that kept my mind whirring with ways to do more with less and less and less.

Some of it was just being preoccupied with myself. I've been working out for some time now and just haven't been seeing any real results in the mirror or scale. So I consulted a nutritionist who has put me on the path to righteous eating. I comment often that I am being trained. In my head as much as in my body. What I am doing isn't anything magical, but it has allowed me to fairly consistently lose a pound a week since August.

But mostly I have been spending time worrying about and then missing my Mom who died last November. It's been a couple of months and I find what I miss most are the afternoon calls. My evening is too late to call home, 3 hours ahead of me. I can’t call right after work because I’ve got my gym buddies on my case if I’m late or missing. Or else I’d call Mom in the middle of her television programs, so I started calling (or getting calls) in the late afternoon when my productivity level is already fairly low. It’s a good time to chat most of the time.

I've been out in California for about 8 years now. Eight years ago around now I drove out here with my Amigo loaded up with clothes, my pet turtle, Gauguin, and Mom. Mom was a great travel companion. She liked the same music I did and could appreciate a companionable silence. She didn't drive as much as I had hoped, but it was nice to have someone to hang with for a week and then sightsee through San Francisco when we finally got to town.

She wasn't happy when I moved out here. That was for sure. But we still talked on the phone. If I didn't call her frequently enough, she would joking threaten to call the police to make sure I was still alive. While there were a lot of things we would talk about; books to read, movies to see, computer tutorials, there were still lots of things we didn't discuss. I always thought that there'd be lots of time to talk about the unspoken. But things don't always work out the way you'd like.

I’m starting to get back into the swing of things and find myself collecting thoughts and things I’d like to share with you all. So there will be more entries of frivolous thoughts and odd ideas that just have to be discussed. Oh, I’m going to turn on the comments area for only a short time after each entry is posted. Spammers have decided that spamming comment sections will make you more likely to click on their sites. Please don’t. I’ll delete them as soon as I can. If the comments are turned off and you’ve got something to say, you can send me email and I’ll add your thoughts in.

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