Wednesday, June 26, 2002

Ticket of the Month Club

This morning didn’t go according to plan. I was way more productive than I have been of late, so I wasn’t out of the house until way past noon. I was getting myself set to go out when I heard someone knocking on the door at half past one. It was one of the neighbors asking if that was my blue car parked outside. Seems the meter maid was right outside. Well by the time I grabbed my keys it was too late and the ticket was already written. Damn, that seems to be the story of my life. Helpful neighbor guy said I should try to talk her out of it, so I pulled out my lost-my-job sob story. She looked sincerely touched, but said she still was going to turn it in to her supervisor, as if that was the best she could do. Geez, how lame is that? You’d think that if my karma was good, she’d be ‘family’ and my cute smile and sad story would have had her ripping up that ticket for me.

Ah well. I’m still kinda pissed off about it. I’ve never been able to talk my way out of a ticket of any sort. Maybe I’m just not that sort of person. I do seem to be the kind of person who would somehow get signed up for the ticket of the month club. At first I joked about it, but then I looked back in my checkbook to see when I’ve written checks to pay for parking tickets, I saw an alarming trend. In the past 3 months that I’ve been unemployed I’ve gotten three parking tickets. I suppose it could be a coincidence. Perhaps I’ve got more time to go places where tickets are given out. I was too busy working to get parking tickets before. And now boom, three tickets at one-month intervals. You have to admit that you’re even starting to wonder if this club exists.

Okay, while you were waiting (I know it didn’t seem to take very long) I went and checked the Internet for the club. Hmmm…these folks didn’t seem to be listed. I found this one site that had a variety of monthly clubs like cookie of the month, bama pie of the month, chocolate of the month, cigar of the month, Delightful fruit club, but no ticket clubs. The once a month club sounds like someone’s sex life, but appears to be a philanthropic organization to help you find time to do good deeds regularly. I even found a show of the month club that sounds like the sorts of tickets I would enjoy, except that it’s in Boston and way to far to travel to see a show. I kept going and found some truly bizarre clubs like fuck of the month and the odd, yet popular, weed of the month.

So this may be a closed membership, but if you ask nicely I might be able to sponsor you. I seem to be connected in all the wrong ways.

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